Katie's Journey to Love Read online

  “I know you will.” Arlene led her horse forward after Katie took off the tug on her side and held the shafts. When the horse had moved, Katie lowered them to the ground.

  Arlene led her horse to the fence quite a ways from Sparky.

  While Katie waited, Esther Kuntz roared into the parking lot in her dark-blue Corvette. Esther sure liked to make an entrance with her car. But underneath that bluster was a gut heart. She’d already proven herself a good friend many times. If it hadn’t been for Esther giving her rides to and from the youth gatherings, Katie would never have met Margaret and Sharon.

  Esther could talk her head off with any boy who came around without blinking an eye. Katie envied that ability a little bit. Esther’s skill came from natural confidence, not because she was full of herself.

  “Good morning!” Esther shouted across the lot after getting out of her car. “Nice to see you again.”

  “Gut morning!” Katie hollered back as a smile spread across her face.

  “You look all happy and cheery this morning,” Esther said as she walked closer.

  “I’m okay,” Katie said, happy that her thoughts about Mabel weren’t showing on her face now.

  Esther was already gushing on. “I really enjoyed your mamm’s wedding. It was so quaint and lovely. Especially with your mamm up front saying her vows with that tremble in her voice. I guess my voice would also be trembling if I could see half the people watching me while I made my promises.”

  “And you’re not even dating,” Arlene teased, having walked up beside them.

  “That’s because I don’t want to.” Esther made a funny face at Arlene. “I’m enjoying my freedom too much.”

  Arlene smiled but didn’t say anything more as they walked together to the employee entrance. But Esther wasn’t finished talking about the wedding. “I told Sharon and Margaret what an honor I thought it was to be invited, and they thought the same thing. We felt so privileged. I wouldn’t have missed the occasion for the world. I don’t get to attend Amish weddings very often since I don’t have any Amish relatives. Thank you for inviting me, Katie.”

  You don’t know how much you’ve done for me, Katie wanted to say. But because Arlene was along, Katie kept quiet. Arlene wouldn’t understand why Katie would make such a statement.

  Arlene held the door open for them, and Katie followed Esther inside, still listening to her chatter. “That cake and the fruit on the table, and the way your young people can sing without any musical instruments. They were a marvel to listen to. I’m going to have to visit more often. If you invite me, that is.”

  Katie almost laughed. Not that Esther wasn’t welcome to attend Amish church services, but it probably wouldn’t happen. Regular Amish church wasn’t quite like a wedding. No, she was the one who would be attending Esther’s youth group, not the other way around. Perhaps now was the time to ask when the next youth gathering was and whether Esther would be kind enough to pick her up. Katie gathered her courage. “I was wondering when the next Mennonite youth gathering is?”

  “Let’s see…” Esther paused. “Oh yes, the next gathering will be on Wednesday night at seven o’clock at Margaret’s place. I can pick you up. Oh, and Margaret and Sharon have some awful secret they want to tell you.”

  “An awful secret?”

  “Don’t look so scared!” Esther laughed. “I don’t know what it is, but it’s something wonderful, I’m sure.”

  Katie caught her breath. “Okay, I’ll plan on going. Thank you so much for carting me around like you do. I hope I’m not too much of a bother.”

  “Not at all,” Esther assured her. “But we’re going to have to get you a vehicle before too long.”

  Katie swallowed hard and said nothing as Esther disappeared around the corner of the aisle on her way to the Deli Department. A car? That was never going to happen…or would it? At least not in the near future. It was hard to see that happening anytime though. There would never be a car purchase…well, probably never.

  So what in the world was she doing running around with the Mennonite youth? It didn’t make sense to get involved with that youth group. But Katie knew only that her attendance at the youth gatherings had always seemed blessed. Da Hah surely was guiding her since He’d blessed her with such good friendships. And—as a bonus—the friendships and gatherings gave her a life away from Mabel.

  Yah, she would likely face more disapproval from Jesse and Mamm, but it would be worth it.

  Chapter Four

  As four o’clock approached that afternoon, there was a rush of customers coming through the checkout stands. Most of them, thankfully, had only a few items in their carts. Katie greeted the next lady in her line with a smile and a cheerful, “Hi! How are you today?”

  “Just fine,” the lady said. “And how are you?”

  “A little tired,” Katie admitted as she scanned the woman’s items. “But I get off soon.”

  “Going home to a good supper, I’m sure,” the woman said with a laugh.

  “Yah.” Katie kept a smile on her face. “Mamm will have a gut supper ready for me—and for all the rest of the children.”

  The woman beamed. “You come from a large family then? Are you perhaps the oldest?”

  Katie’s smile faded a little. What was she supposed to say to that? That Mamm had just remarried so she had a new daett and was trying to adjust?

  “You don’t have to be embarrassed,” the woman said gently, still beaming. “I also come from a large family, dear. Isn’t that common among your people?”

  The woman is obviously making the wrong assumption about my hesitation, Katie thought. “Yah, it is,” she finally managed to get out.

  “That’s just wonderful!” the woman said as Katie finished checking her groceries. “I’m sure you can’t wait to get back home to the farm after working here all day.”

  “It will be nice to get off my feet,” Katie said.

  “You have a good evening then,” the woman said as she left.

  Katie turned to the next customer. At the same time, she caught a glimpse of a young man across the aisle checking out at Arlene’s register. Her hand stopped in midair and the rest of her body froze. Ben Stoll! Katie’s heart raced. Ben did stop in sometimes, so it really wasn’t anything unusual. Would he notice her this time?

  “Hi!” Katie greeted her customer after realizing she’d been staring at Ben. Her voice croaked a bit. Thankfully the man standing in her line didn’t seem to notice. Katie scanned his two items. He paid with a credit card and left.

  Katie sneaked another look in Ben’s direction. He was still there, chatting away with Arlene like they were gut friends, which they probably were. Even though Arlene already had a boyfriend, it was obvious she was enjoying her chance to chat with Ben. Any girl would. He was the best-looking young man in the county, Katie thought. For years now he’d had a grip on her heart that wouldn’t let go. Ben was an impossible dream, Katie knew, but one she had never been able to shake.

  Was there reason to hope Ben would notice her? More wild thoughts like that raced through her mind as Katie greeted her next customer. Ben never had. To him she was merely Emma Raber’s weird daughter, but now she and Mamm were part of a normal family. Arlene herself had said months ago that she’d noticed Katie was changing. And the Mennonite youth didn’t seem to view her as odd like the Amish youth did. Was there a chance Ben might see her in a different light too? Or, more realistically, actually notice her for the first time? Hadn’t Mamm’s miracle with Jesse happened? Perhaps there was a miracle ahead for her too? Or was she only keeping an impossible dream in her heart like the one Mamm had held onto regarding Daniel Kauffman?

  Ben shared one last laugh with Arlene before disappearing out the door without a glance toward Katie. Thankfully the store was still busy, and Arlene didn’t notice Katie’s red face. Arlene didn’t know about her crush on Ben, but she certainly noticed things like red faces—especially if they happened right when a handsome young man walked past.<
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  “Hi!” Katie greeted as another customer walked up. She pushed away thoughts of good-looking young men—especially Ben.

  The customer didn’t have much to say beyond returning her smile, and Katie quickly checked her items. Arlene glanced her way, but Katie kept her face turned toward the register, trying to steady her breathing. Hopefully her red face had faded by this time—or at least enough so Arlene wouldn’t notice.

  Katie kept herself busy checking out two more customers in her aisle. Her face felt perfectly normal now, but her smile might still be a little nervous when she turned toward Arlene.

  Katie jumped as the manager, Mrs. Cole, came bustling around the corner. “Time for you to close, girls! Off with the two of you.”

  Katie checked out of her register, grabbed the cash drawer, and followed Arlene to the office in the back. Would Ben still be outside when they were finished counting the cash and balancing their registers? Perhaps he’d be chatting with someone or even just hanging around. She wanted to see him, but she would also die of embarrassment if she turned all red in front of him and Arlene. And later, the questions Arlene would ask wouldn’t be easy to answer. And Arlene didn’t take half answers either.

  Katie took a quick glance around as they walked out of Byler’s employee door. No sign of Ben’s buggy. A pickup truck was parked near their buggies, and a man was sitting in the driver’s seat. He appeared to be waiting for someone, so perhaps his wife was still inside the store. Two Amish men sat in the truck bed. Katie stopped mid-stride. Ben Stoll was one of them!

  Ben smiled as he caught sight of Arlene. “Time to go home, huh?” Ben called out.

  Arlene hadn’t noticed Ben, and she jumped at his voice. “Of course it’s time to go home. Did you think I lived here?”

  Ben laughed. “Now don’t go telling me you have to do chores all evening when you get home.”

  “I know I have to work harder than you do, Ben!” Arlene snapped. “You don’t even have chores when you get home. You have the easy life that carpenters get to live.”

  The other man joined in her laughter, but Ben didn’t say anything.

  Katie remained frozen in place. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she speak up and join this conversation? She would be doing that if this were at a Mennonite gathering. But here there were too many bad memories from her growing-up years to battle. Usually when she tried to enter into discussions with Amish youth, everyone went on talking as if she weren’t even there. Nee, she couldn’t take the pain that would throb in her heart when that happened. It was even worse than when Mamm had asked her to leave the kitchen this morning. She noticed the other boy in the back of the pickup glancing her way. Oh! She was already making a spectacle of herself by hesitating. He’d seen her, and yet it probably hadn’t registered. So now what was she supposed to do? Just walk past them to her buggy without saying anything?

  Before Katie decided, the driver of the pickup truck motioned for her to come closer. He didn’t look happy as Katie approached with slow steps.

  “You wouldn’t have seen my wife inside, would you?” he asked. “She was only supposed to pick up some cheese, and we’re in a hurry.”

  Here was her chance to get out of this situation. “If you’ll describe her, I can go inside and look,” Katie offered. “She can’t be too much longer, I imagine.”

  “Oh, you’d be surprised,” he said. “I’d go look myself, but I’m a little slow on my feet with my back injury.” The man lifted a crutch inside the pickup truck high enough for Katie to see.

  “I’d be glad to go,” Katie said. “What is your wife wearing?”

  “A blue sweater and black slacks. And she’s about as round as I am. Constance is her name.” He laughed.

  Katie was already on her way, almost running across the parking lot. The sounds of Arlene’s voice, mixed in with Ben’s deeper voice, murmured behind her. “I’m not jealous,” Katie told herself. “Arlene can talk with Ben all she wishes.” Katie knew her feelings went deeper than that. Somehow she would have to overcome feeling worthless with the Amish kids. When she came back out, she would march right up to the pickup truck and say hi to Ben. It wouldn’t make Ben like her or make her crush go away, but she would feel better.

  Her face determined, Katie found a woman in a blue sweater and black slacks standing in front of the cheese case. She had three types in her hands.

  “Excuse me,” Katie said. “Are you Constance?”

  “Yep.” The woman smiled and looked at her curiously.

  “Your husband asked me to tell you that he’s in a hurry to leave.”

  “Oh, Robert.” A frown spread over the woman’s face. “He’s always in a big hurry, but when we get home there’s nothing to do but watch television. And if I don’t get the right kind of cheese, there will be no end of complaining from him about it.”

  Katie didn’t know what to say so she just stood there.

  Constance held up the pieces in her hand. “What do you think? Is Swiss better than Mozzarella? That’s what I’m thinking, but Swiss seems so ordinary. It’s what we always get, and I wanted something a little unusual for a change.”

  “I don’t know that much about cheese,” Katie offered. “Mozzarella is a little unusual tasting unless you’ve tried it before and know you like it.”

  A relieved look crossed Constance’s face. “That’s exactly what I thought. Then we will go with my third choice: Canadian cheddar. What do you think about that?”

  “That would be a safe option, I think.” Katie offered a smile.

  “Please tell Robert I’ll be right out,” Constance said.

  Katie left her weighing the small offering of Canadian Cheddar cheese she had in her hand against a larger one. Her heart pounding, Katie went outside the store and walked across the parking lot, heading straight for the pickup truck. This would be easier if she could gather her courage first, but Robert was probably expecting a message from his wife.

  “So did you find her?” Robert asked when Katie paused near him.

  “Yah, she will be out before long.”

  Robert groaned.

  Katie would have smiled if Ben wasn’t sitting just a few feet away from her in the back of the pickup. What power did this man have over her anyway, that he could make her blush red one moment and go cold the next?

  “I’ve got to be going,” Arlene said to the young men.

  Katie forced her feet to move forward. If she didn’t get this done in the next moment, Arlene would be gone and Katie would be on her own. Nothing was going to happen then. She stepped up beside Arlene and looked straight up at Ben, who was slouched forward in the pickup bed.

  “Hi!” she said. To her ears, her voice sounded like a screech.

  Ben turned toward her. He didn’t say anything for a moment.

  I’m going to live through this, Katie told herself. How she wasn’t sure, but her heart was still beating. She noticed Arlene was staring at her.

  Ben finally spoke. “So your mamm got married to Jesse Mast. That means you’re thrown in with the rest of the family. Let’s see, how many of them are there? A bunch I think.”

  “There’s not that many, Ben,” Arlene said. “Only five children, and they’re all nice. Jesse wouldn’t raise anything else.”

  “Then I guess he should have raised me!” Ben laughed, and everyone joined in except Katie. She tried, but her throat was too dry.

  Behind them came the sound of rattling grocery cart wheels.

  “It’s about time!” Robert yelled as Constance neared the pickup truck.

  Ben jumped down to help with the groceries, speaking over his shoulder, “See you later, Arlene.”

  Katie found her way over to her buggy, waving along with Arlene as the truck left the parking lot moments later. It didn’t matter that Ben hadn’t said goodbye to her, Katie told herself. She’d spoken to him. That was enough of an accomplishment for one day.

  Chapter Five

  Katie drove toward Jesse’s plac
e that afternoon, her mind in a daze. Had she really spoken with Ben Stoll? Right out in the parking lot? And he had answered her—sort of. Was it possible she might have another chance to speak with him soon? And would she ever see the day when he actually enjoyed speaking with her like he did with Arlene? Katie laughed, thinking her voice sounded like more of a cackle. Talking with Ben like that. Ha! Now that would be the day. But the thought was quite delicious to think about. What a dream that would be. Someday she would walk right up to Ben Stoll and be able to say “hi” without a pounding heart. She would get over the fear. Already she was changing, wasn’t she? After all, she’d summoned up the courage to attend the youth gatherings at the Mennonite church. A right brave thing for an Amish girl.

  She really had the best of the two worlds—the Amish and the Mennonites. And it was so unexpected. Da Hah was clearly leading her, even if Mamm and Jesse didn’t understand. She could keep her friendships with Margaret and Sharon, and she could stay in touch with the Amish youth—including Ben. Someday Ben might even notice how much she’d changed and pay her attention. The day might even come when Ben saw her as Margaret and Sharon did—outgoing, fun-loving, and a gut friend. When that happened, how Ben’s face would light up! On that day Ben would feel for her what she felt for him.

  Katie pulled back on the reins as she slowed to turn a corner. Sparky shook his head, and she let him speed up again. Katie took a deep breath. Oh, these were such wild dreams! But anything seemed possible after what had happened in the last year with Jesse and Mamm. And even Arlene was impressed with the progress she was making in growing out of her shell. A few minutes later, Katie slowed down as she approached Jesse’s lane. It still seemed strange driving down his driveway and calling this place home. But Mamm was here, and Katie now had some happy thoughts in her heart that would no doubt sustain her during the next few hours. She looked around the farm and saw the horse teams working in the fields, their forms small in the distance. Jesse and his two eldest boys would have to begin the afternoon chores before long. Perhaps Leroy and Willis would allow her to help once in awhile. She didn’t want to lose her touch completely. And it would be gut to get out of the house and away from Mabel if things went the way she expected they were going to.