Until I Love Again Read online

  Books by Jerry S. Eicher

  THE ADAMS COUNTY TRILOGY

  Rebecca’s Promise • Rebecca’s Return

  Rebecca’s Choice

  THE BEILER SISTERS

  Holding a Tender Heart • Seeing Your Face Again

  Finding Love at Home

  EMMA RABER’S DAUGHTER

  Katie Opens Her Heart • Katie’s Journey to Love

  Katie’s Forever Promise

  FIELDS OF HOME

  Missing Your Smile • Following Your Heart

  Where Love Grows

  HANNAH’S HEART

  A Dream for Hannah • A Hope for Hannah

  A Baby for Hannah

  LAND OF PROMISE

  Miriam’s Secret • A Blessing for Miriam

  Miriam and the Stranger

  LITTLE VALLEY SERIES

  A Wedding Quilt for Ella • Ella’s Wish

  Ella Finds Love Again

  THE ST. LAWRENCE COUNTY AMISH

  A Heart Once Broken • Until I Love Again

  OTHER STANDALONE TITLES

  My Amish Childhood

  The Amish Family Cookbook (with Tina Eicher)

  HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

  EUGENE, OREGON

  Scripture quotations taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

  Cover by Garborg Design Works

  Cover photos © Chris Garborg; Bigstock

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  UNTIL I LOVE AGAIN

  Copyright © 2016 by Jerry S. Eicher

  Published by Harvest House Publishers

  Eugene, Oregon 97402

  www.harvesthousepublishers.com

  ISBN 978-0-7369-6589-7 (pbk.)

  ISBN 978-0-7369-6590-3 (eBook)

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Eicher, Jerry S., author.

  Title: Until I love again / Jerry S. Eicher.

  Description: Eugene Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, [2016]

  Identifiers: LCCN 2016000193 (print) | LCCN 2016004506 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736965897 (softcover) | ISBN 9780736965903 ()

  Subjects: LCSH: Amish—Fiction. | Mate selection—Fiction. | GSAFD: Love stories. | Christian fiction.

  Classification: LCC PS3605.I34 U58 2016 (print) | LCC PS3605.I34 (ebook) | DDC 813/.6—dc23

  LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2016000193

  All rights reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The authorized purchaser has been granted a nontransferable, nonexclusive, and noncommercial right to access and view this electronic publication, and purchaser agrees to do so only in accordance with the terms of use under which it was purchased or transmitted. Participation in or encouragement of piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of author’s and publisher’s rights is strictly prohibited.

  Contents

  Books by Jerry S. Eicher

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Discussion Questions

  (free sample) A Heart Once Broken

  About the Author

  About the Publisher

  Chapter One

  Susanna Miller pulled back on the buggy reins, and her horse Charlie came to a halt as the traffic light turned red. Susanna casually looked to her left and suddenly let out a gasp, not believing her eyes. When the light changed to green moments later, Susanna’s gaze was still on the illuminated sign in the parking lot of DeKalb Seed and Feed. It took the honking of the car horn behind her to break Susanna’s trance. She let the reins fly as Charlie lunged forward.

  As she drove by, she glanced over her shoulder at the sign one final time. Yah, it said what she thought it said: Happy Birthday, Susanna Miller. Susanna groaned. If Daett or anyone else from the community saw this, there would be questions she didn’t want to answer.

  Susanna hung on to Charlie’s reins as he trotted out of town and made the sharp turn off of Highway 17 onto Maple Ridge Road. Perhaps the fact that she was on the final days of her rumspringa would make any explanation more acceptable. She had been given free rein by Daett, but that was about over now. And this sign might be the straw that would break the proverbial camel’s back. Daett had allowed her freedom in the hope that her rumspringa time would accomplish its intended purpose. Yah, she was supposed to taste what lay out there in the Englisha world, and in so doing, come to realize why those things were not allowed among her people.

  But Daett hadn’t intended things to go as they had. Things like her friendship with Joey Macalister. She had kept that hidden from everyone, because, really, Joey was only a friend—nothing more. She need not alarm her family. Her rumspringa was almost over and she was ready to settle down—or was she? That was the question. She had told herself she was done with the Englisha world… but when she was with Joey, she wasn’t so sure. When she was out with him, the world outside the Amish fence beckoned, tossing her emotions back and forth each weekend.

  The birthday sign she had passed—if she was honest—warmed her heart as much as it alarmed her. Joey had placed the words there himself, or more likely, he had asked his cousin Marisa, who worked at the seed and feed, to set up the birthday greeting. Joey meant no harm, but an Amish girl’s name should never be seen on an Englisha sign whether she was on her rumspringa or not. Such a thing would obviously mean she was a close friend and perhaps more than a friend with some Englisha person. Daett would wish to know who that was, and all the details.

  Her friend, Emma Troyer, claimed that one’s rumspringa in her aunt’s community in Ohio allowed for friendships with Englisha people, but Susanna couldn’t imagine that here. Amish life in New York’s North Country was a controlled affair. Daett had already given her more freedom than anyone in the community thought was appropriate.

  Susanna sighed and pulled back on the reins as Charlie approached the Millers’ driveway. She turned in with a quick look around the barnyard. Daett’s buggy wasn’t there. It was just as well. She didn’t want to see him at the moment. Not with the memory of the illuminated sign still haunting her. Daett would understand neither the sign nor her friendship wi
th Joey. No, Daett would want to end her rumspringa time if and when he learned of this. He would no doubt put pressure on her to attend the community’s upcoming spring baptismal classes.

  “It’s about time you thought about settling down,” Daett had said only last week with a grin, but underneath his beard the lines had deepened on his face. She knew Daett well enough to know that he was worried, and so was Mamm. Mamm didn’t tease like Daett, but of late Mamm’s steps had grown slower as each weekend approached and Susanna spent time away from the homeplace.

  Susanna climbed out of the buggy to unhitch Charlie from the shafts. She led him toward the barn while her thoughts whirled. Neither Mamm nor Daett knew where she was spending her time on Saturday nights, and that was how she intended things to stay. She had let Mamm think she was at the usual parties the other young people attended in Heuvelton.

  The result was that neither Mamm nor Daett knew of the quiet hours she had spent at Joey’s house over the past few months—nor of her newfound love for music. She had even learned to play the piano at Joey’s, much to her own surprise. She had picked it up more easily than even Joey’s mom, Beatrice, had imagined she would. And by now, Susanna had grown to love the feel of her fingers moving across the keys. Yah, she had taken to music like a duck to water. She was better now than even Joey, who had been taking lessons from his mamm for years.

  Daett would never understand how such a fancy thing had gained a hold on her. The community sang songs at the Sunday services, but it wasn’t the same as music from a piano. She could never explain the difference to Mamm or Daett, which was why she hadn’t tried.

  Susanna pushed open the barn door, and her younger brother Henry hollered from the back of the barn, “Home from a hard day’s work, I see. Oh, and happy birthday.”

  “Thanks.” Susanna forced a cheerful note into her voice.

  “Did you pass Daett on your way home?” Henry asked as he tossed a bale of straw into the stall beside Charlie’s. A cloud of dust drifted upward.

  Susanna drew a long breath before she answered. “Daett went to town?”

  “Yep!” Henry’s voice no longer had its tease. “James is still in the field, but the axle broke on the wagon I was driving. I think it’s been cracked for a while. Anyway, Daett hoped to reach the hardware store before they closed.”

  “I didn’t see him.” Susanna turned Charlie into his stall. “I guess Daett must have passed through before I started home.”

  “Must have,” Henry allowed. “Or were you daydreaming?”

  “I was minding my own business,” she said, and hurried past him to exit the barn.

  Henry’s chuckle followed her. Susanna closed the barn door and continued her rush across the lawn. If Daett was going to the hardware store, he would surely pass the sign at the seed and feed. No doubt he would have words to say upon his return, but the matter was out of her hands now. She couldn’t do anything but pray and hope.

  Susanna entered the house by the washroom door and tried to smile as she opened the door to the kitchen.

  “Goot evening,” she sang out, mustering up as much cheerfulness as she could.

  “Goot evening,” Mamm replied. She was bent over the stove, and at once, Susanna started to set the table for supper. She counted the pieces under her breath, hoping to settle her nerves. A knife and fork each for Daett and Mamm, and then there were her brothers. She laid out the place settings for Henry, James, Noah, and little Tobias. Yah, all brothers. She was the only girl in the family, but she didn’t mind. A sister would be great, but her brothers didn’t bother her much. And she was allowed the freedom to drive her own buggy on Saturday nights, a tradition she had begun before Henry turned sixteen. She liked all of her brothers, from Henry down to three-year-old Tobias, who was now peering at Susanna around the kitchen doorway.

  Susanna gave him a smile. “You want to sit down? Wait for supper?”

  Tobias shook his head as Mamm said, “Better wait. He’ll just be poking his finger into the food before it’s dished out.”

  “Will you?” Susanna asked with another smile.

  Tobias solemnly shook his head again, his tousled hair covering his ears. Tobias needed a haircut, but Mamm had been too busy this week. Perhaps Susanna should try her hand at haircuts. Her fingers could skim over the piano keys, so why couldn’t they handle the scissors? Mamm, though, had always kept the task for herself, and none of Susanna’s brothers would let her experiment on them.

  “Don’t tempt him,” Mamm said. “You know he’s hungry.”

  “Yah,” Susanna agreed. “He’s always hungry.”

  Mamm ignored the remark and said, “Ernest Helmuth came by today. I saw him speaking with Daett out in the barnyard. He sure was looking toward the house often enough.”

  Susanna pressed her lips together, but Mamm continued as if she hadn’t made the point. “I’m sure he was hoping for a glimpse of you.”

  “Doesn’t the man know I work each day at the DeKalb Building Supply?” Susanna snapped. “I would think that would be the first thing to learn if you’re interested in a woman.”

  “Come now,” Mamm chided. “Ernest has plenty of things on his mind. He cares for his two small girls all by himself, with no frau and all of his farmwork. You ought to pay more attention to the man at the church services. That and…” Mamm focused on the pan in front of her, with the point temporarily forgotten.

  But Susanna knew what Mamm meant. Both Daett and Mamm had taken a liking to the widower Ernest Helmuth, and unless she missed her guess, they planned to push her into a marriage with the man.

  “Ernest is such a good daett to his little girls since their mamm passed,” Mamm continued. “Any man with such a tender touch would make a woman happy.”

  Susanna kept her voice low. “What if I’m not interested?” There was no way Tobias could understand this conversation, but he studied their faces with interest.

  “Of course you wouldn’t be.” Mamm’s statement was tinged with frustration. “You’ve not given the man a fair chance. You’re getting older, Susanna, and it’s high time to think of settling down.”

  “And if I do that, how will you handle the house by yourself?” Susanna asked in a desperate attempt at distraction.

  Mamm wasted no time in batting down the excuse. “Look how we’re living now, Susanna. You work at the building supply part-time and some weekends, and we’re making out okay. There’s no reason for you to turn down an eligible man’s interest. A suitable marriage partner for you is more important than how I’ll run a household of boys by myself. A woman’s place is in the home, Susanna, and not out there in the Englisha world.” Mamm waved her hand in the general direction of the town of DeKalb. “I should never have agreed to let you work in that place, but what’s done is done, and we can only go forward from here.”

  Susanna pressed her lips together again. This discussion was familiar territory. She wasn’t attached to her job because it was part of the Englisha world, but it was useless to tell Mamm so. That was the only reason Mamm could imagine for Susanna’s hesitation in joining the spring instruction classes. So far she had not told Mamm the real reason, but perhaps she would have no choice once Daett came home from the trip into town—if he noticed the sign.

  If Joey had only known the trouble it was going to cause, he wouldn’t have asked Marisa to put it up. But Joey didn’t understand her world like she did his. And Joey had no intention to learn about her Amish world. That much he had made clear more than once. Not that it mattered. Susanna had no plans for their relationship to move beyond friendship. She planned to settle down in the community eventually, and Joey was headed for law school.

  Mamm put a smile on her face. “Are you daydreaming about being Ernest’s frau? That’s sometimes the first step, you know. Even before you know if the relationship will work out. Yah, Ernest is a fine man, Susanna. Daett thinks highly of him, and so do I.”

  “No, I’m not thinking about him,” Susanna retorted.

&
nbsp; The smile stayed on Mamm’s face. “Then think about those two cute little girls of his. Don’t you just love them? You’d have a right decent start at a family from the get-go, Susanna. And you would be spared the pains of bearing them.”

  Susanna felt the heat rise to her face. She glanced at Tobias. He still regarded her with that intense look of his, as if he understood every word, which wasn’t possible. This conversation wasn’t decent for adult ears, and hopefully it was unintelligible to three-year-olds.

  “I almost invited Ernest and his girls for supper tonight,” Mamm continued, “but I thought that might be a little too much and too soon. You should give him a few smiles at the services and encourage his heart, though. He’s lonely, Susanna. And it’s a great honor for our family that Ernest is thinking of you as his future frau. You should get down on your knees and thank the Lord instead of hesitating. You might lose him.”

  Susanna gave Mamm a sharp glance and opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. She had heard enough about Ernest for one evening. The boys would soon be in for supper. And there was Daett’s buggy just now, coming down the lane.

  A chill crept up Susanna’s back as she hurried to move the hot food over to the table. Mamm gave her frequent sideway glances but said nothing more about Ernest Helmuth.

  Chapter Two

  An hour later, Susanna reached over to tug Tobias’s hand as he attempted to smear an extra layer of butter onto his bread. “Don’t do that,” she chided. “Enough is enough.”

  “But I like butter,” Tobias protested.

  “Susanna’s right,” Daett chimed in. “We must be moderate in all we do.” Daett gave his young son a smile. “Life offers many choices and we must choose what is right, which means restraining ourselves on things that might not be wrong in themselves.”

  Tobias appeared puzzled at this deep lecture over such a small offense, but he settled back on his bench without further protest. Susanna glanced again at her daett’s face. He had given no indication of having seen the sign at the seed and feed. Was it possible he had overlooked it?

  “Pass the potatoes again,” Mamm said to Susanna. When she didn’t respond, still gazing at her daett, Mamm repeated the request.