Katie's Journey to Love Read online

  One thing was for sure. Mamm and she would never slip back into what they used to be. That was in the past—and would remain so. No more feelings of being passed over by everyone or going unnoticed in Amish youth gatherings. Some of that would still happen, but she now had her wonderful memories of the evenings spent with the Mennonite youth to counter the aloneness. Margaret and Sharon had accepted her so quickly, and she’d met many others who were friendly too. Even the Mennonite boys who played beside her at the volleyball games—young men she’d never met before—had taken the time to say a few words of greeting and inquire how she was doing. They were all nice people who had welcomed her into their homes and hearts.

  She had them to go back to in addition to whatever new blessings Da Hah had waiting for her with her new, expanded family. Mabel was the thorn with the rose, but Katie didn’t wish to destroy the flower because of the pain that stung her hand. Nee, she would not. She took deep breaths of the cool morning air and gathered her courage to return inside.

  Chapter Two

  Thirty minutes later, Katie was on the way down from upstairs, taking firm steps, making sure each one creaked if possible. She’d sneaked up through the living room once she came in from outside through the front door. Mamm and Mabel had been talking in the kitchen, laughing as she’d tiptoed past the doorway. Sneaking up had seemed like the decent thing to do. She couldn’t possibly have gone out to the barn with Jesse and his boys out there. That would have raised eyebrows. And barging back into the kitchen would have raised questions with Mabel she didn’t wish to answer. Yah, I’m feeling hurt, Katie admitted. But I’m trying hard to do my part in this family, which included not provoking Mabel.

  Only moments ago she’d heard Jesse and his boys come in from their chores and bang around in the washroom as they cleaned up. No one had called her, but how could they since even Mamm didn’t know where she’d gone. Katie was content to let it appear to Mabel and the others that she’d overslept.

  Mamm’s face showed relief when Katie walked into the kitchen.

  “Gut morning,” Mabel said, all smiles.

  “Gut morning,” Katie replied.

  Mabel was carrying a plate of eggs to the table, and she’d obviously been frying bacon. Mabel looked quite pleased, so Mamm’s decision about the morning routine must have had the desired effect. “Is there anything I can do to help?” Katie asked.

  “I think we’re almost done,” Mabel said, managing a smile. “Maybe you can set the last of the table. Daett and the boys are almost inside.”

  I know that, Katie wanted to say. Their loud chatter in the washroom was obvious. Mabel was treating her like a small child, offering her the lowest of tasks, one worthy of her youngest sister, Carolyn—not a soon-to-be-twenty young woman. But Katie kept smiling as she took the dishes to the table, thinking how much worse things could be this morning. Mabel’s red-faced outbursts before the wedding had been common occurrences. Even for a sixteen-year-old she hadn’t been afraid to make a spectacle of herself once her daett had chosen Mamm over the children’s choice of teacher Ruth Troyer.

  The washroom door burst open, and Mabel’s two oldest brothers, Leroy and Willis, spilled in. They were soon followed by Jesse. Leroy and Willis stopped short at the sight of Katie and Mamm, as if they hadn’t been expecting them. Yah, this would definitely take some getting used to by everybody.

  “Gut morning to everyone!” Jesse exclaimed over the silence of his sons. “What a sight for sore eyes you women are. Isn’t this wonderful? I can’t say how blessed we are that Emma and Katie have come to live with us. Have a seat boys, and stop staring like you’ve never seen women before.”

  Leroy and Willis grunted and took their seats on the back bench. The two boys hadn’t been staring at Mamm, Katie thought. They’d been staring at her. It was the shock, no doubt, of seeing strange Emma Raber’s daughter in their house.

  Katie smiled as she stood by the table, her hands clasped in front of her. She wasn’t quite sure where she was supposed to sit. When no one said anything, she took a chair beside the one she assumed her mamm would sit in.

  “Where are Carolyn and Joel?” Jesse asked, taking his seat at the front of the table.

  “I’ll call them!” Mabel jumped up to rush to the bottom of the stairs. She hollered up, “Carolyn, Joel!”

  When there was only silence, Mabel took off up the stairs.

  “How’s Mabel doing?” Jesse asked Mamm when his daughter’s footsteps had faded.

  “Okay,” Mamm said, taking the seat beside Jesse. She reached over and touched his arm.

  Across the table, Leroy quickly stared up at the ceiling. A smile crept across Willis’s face.

  Mamm noticed and turned bright red as she pulled her hand away from Jesse’s arm.

  Jesse, taking it all in, laughed and took Emma’s hand in his.

  “Now, boys, this is your new mamm,” Jesse said, his eyes twinkling. “Get used to it.”

  There was no doubt that Jesse was working to make Mamm feel comfortable. Katie allowed a smile to creep over her face.

  Soon Mamm joined in the shared laughter. She leaned toward Jesse as footsteps came down the stairs. Mabel appeared, leading six-year-old Joel by the hand with Carolyn following close behind.

  Katie held her breath. Would Mabel object to this open display of affection between Mamm and Jesse? Would all of Mamm’s careful work this morning be lost in seconds? Perhaps Mabel would see something in her daett’s actions to remind her of her lost mamm. Might this open wounds that hadn’t yet healed?

  Mabel paused for a moment as she took in Mamm and Jesse’s postures. She grimaced but then glanced away. Without further ado, she helped Joel into his chair, where he sat and rubbed his eyes. Carolyn took her place, smiling at Mamm and Jesse.

  Jesse beamed back at Carolyn but he addressed all of them. “Do you think we should pray before the food gets cold?”

  “Yah, let’s do,” Mabel spoke up. She had folded her hands in her lap like she didn’t quite know what to do with them. Jesse gave Mabel only the briefest of glances before they all bowed their heads.

  “Dear Gott im himmel,” Jesse prayed, “You who made the heavens and the earth and all that is within them, look down again upon us this morning in mercy. We give You thanks for Your many and great blessings You have given to us all. You have brought joy and laughter back into our home. You have again allowed love to grow in my heart for Emma. You have not allowed either of us to stay in our former state of sorrow. Rather, You have given us new life again. For this we cannot give You sufficient thanks. Have mercy again today on our trespasses, and forgive us as we forgive those who sin against us.”

  Katie stole a look at Mamm’s face. It carried a touch of red, which made sense. She too would be sending off flames of red if such words of thanksgiving and praise were being offered on her behalf. The years of living alone hadn’t been kind to Mamm. They had been long and lonely, full of suffering. Now the tide had turned and this was her time of miracles. Mamm hadn’t been sure that she was in love with Jesse before the wedding, but that had also been the case with Ezra, Katie’s daett, too. And just like with Ezra, Katie had no doubt that her mamm’s feelings for Jesse would match the love she had for Daett. With a man like Jesse, Mamm wouldn’t be able to help herself. Katie bowed her head again.

  “…now be with us today, O great and holy Father,” Jesse said. “Continue to bless us and to bestow Your grace upon our lives. In the name of Your dear Son, Jesus. Amen.”

  They all raised their heads, and Leroy made a dive for the plate of eggs. Mabel slapped his hand, and he dropped the plate with a clatter, causing several eggs to slide off the platter onto the table.

  “Enough of this,” Jesse corrected sternly. “You’re behaving like savages after such a gut start this morning.”

  “He’s only being his usual self,” Mabel stated.

  “Pick up the eggs from the table,” Jesse ordered Leroy. “And those will be yours. Next time be more car
eful. I’ve had enough of this.”

  Leroy groaned but gathered up the eggs one by one and slipped them onto his plate.

  Jesse turned to Emma with an apologetic grin. “I’m sorry about my children’s behavior. I guess you see why they need a mamm around.”

  “I understand,” Mamm said quickly. “It’s okay.”

  Jesse patted her on the arm. “Now, don’t be too easy on them. They’re also in your charge now, and they are to listen to you.” Jesse turned toward his children. “Did you hear that?” he asked.

  They all nodded, including Mabel. She appeared subdued for a moment, and then she passed the bacon around. Breakfast settled down into a family routine. Mamm joined in where she could, but Mabel clearly was running things.

  Katie watched to see what Mamm would do. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Jesse was doing the same. When the plate of eggs came around to little Joel, Mabel reached out to help him.

  Mamm said, “I’ll help him.”

  Mabel blinked a few times and glanced at her daett. When Jesse nodded, Mabel backed down. She attempted a smile and said, “Of course. I’m so used to doing everything.”

  “Yah, I understand.” Mamm smiled at Mabel. “How many eggs does Joel usually eat?”

  “Two!” Joel announced.

  After Mabel nodded, Mamm pulled two eggs off the serving plate and put them onto Joel’s.

  Mabel looked so pleased Mamm had consulted her that Katie thought she would burst. But this is a gut thing, she reminded herself. She must not become bitter over Mamm and Mabel developing a good relationship.

  When they were finished eating, Jesse bowed his head in silent prayer before standing to lead the way into the living room for morning devotions.

  Mamm seemed to notice Katie for the first time since breakfast had begun. A troubled look crossed her face. As they both stood, Mamm reached over to squeeze Katie’s elbow as they walked together into the living room.

  Katie whispered, “It’s okay, Mamm. I understand.”

  Mamm’s face relaxed, and by the time she sat down on the hickory rocker beside Jesse, she was smiling again. Katie listened to Jesse read the morning scripture, a section out of Psalm 147: “Praise ye the LORD: for it is good to sing praises unto our God…”

  That was so true, Katie thought. She was glad Da Hah had brought them so much joy.

  “…he gathereth together the outcasts of Israel. He healeth the broken in heart.”

  Kate thought again how glad she was to finally have a daett. She was happy Da Hah was healing their hearts, and she was pleased He had given her a small part in it. Hopefully they would become a strong, loving family. No matter what, she would trust in Da Hah to lead the way.

  Chapter Three

  An hour later Jesse and the two oldest boys had left the house to begin their work in the fields. Katie walked into the kitchen to find Mamm up to her elbows in flour as she stirred a huge bowl of bread dough. At home Mamm had baked only a small batch of bread each week, but here it looked like she would have to make three times as much with so many mouths to feed.

  “I’m leaving early for Byler’s,” Katie announced, pausing to give Mamm a quick wave. “They’re expecting an extra busy time since it’s right after Thanksgiving.” She saw no sign of Mabel, but Katie could hear the washing machine running downstairs.

  “Bye!” Mamm said, looking up but not lifting her floury hands from the bowl.

  Katie closed the washroom door behind her and crossed the yard. Before she reached the barn, Mamm came running from the house, wiping her arms on the apron.

  “Katie!” she called out. “Katie, I need to talk to you.”

  Katie didn’t pause. “I have to harness Sparky, Mamm,” she hollered over her shoulder. “Can you come to the barn?”

  Mamm followed her into the barn and watched as Katie brought Sparky out of his stall. She threw the harness on his back. “What is it, Mamm?” she asked.

  “Katie…” Mamm stepped closer. “Katie, I’m sorry for how things went this morning. I’m so caught up in everything that I feel I’ve neglected you.”

  “I’m okay.” Katie looked away. “I really am.”

  Mamm touched Katie’s arm. “Nee, you’re not. A mamm can tell. I’m sorry I asked you to step outside this morning. That was awful of me, regardless of what I was trying to accomplish.”

  “Mamm, it’s okay,” Katie insisted. “Yah, you are right. It did hurt a little, but it was for the best. And at least Mabel didn’t blow up. Maybe she would have if we hadn’t been careful.”

  “We’ll have a good, long talk tonight when you get back,” Mamm said with tears in her eyes. “I love you, Katie. Nothing is going to change that.”

  Katie met Mamm’s gaze. “Thanks. I love you too. You’ve always been gut to me, and I know we have adjustments to make.”

  “Oh, Katie…” Mamm touched her hand. “Thank you for seeing so much more than I do sometimes. I know you will love Jesse and his family. Da Hah has given us a miracle, and you are part of it.”

  Katie slipped Sparky’s bridle over his head. Words of warning on what conflicts might lie ahead sprang up in her mind. There were the Mennonite youth gatherings and also Mabel’s true feelings. But Katie held the words back. None of that would benefit either of them right now. Mamm loved her, and she loved Mamm. That had been enough in the past, and it would prove enough now and in the future. She couldn’t ask for more.

  “Keep your courage up,” Mamm said. “I know living with Mabel is difficult, but you’re my shining example that all will work out. Soon things will go much smoother—once we’ve settled down a bit.”

  “I hope for the same thing,” Katie responded.

  “I’m so glad to hear that.” Mamm touched Katie’s arm again. “Come, let me help you get on the road.”

  Katie led Sparky outside, and Mamm closed the barn door behind them. They walked to the buggy, and Mamm lifted the shafts. Katie backed Sparky in, and when they finished tying the tugs, Katie climbed into the buggy while Mamm held Sparky’s bridle.

  Mamm was smiling and waving as Katie took off. She waved back, taking one last glance toward the house. Mabel had come out of the basement doorway to watch her leave. Katie was sure there was a frown on the girl’s face.

  Looking back at Mamm, Katie waved again before turning her gaze to the driveway. She looked both ways and then pulled onto the main road. The look on Mabel’s face stirred feelings of bitterness in her…feelings that shouldn’t be there, but she couldn’t stop it right now. Who did Mabel think she was, anyway? Some special child who had a right to make demands? Yah, so Mabel hadn’t gotten what she wanted when Jesse married Mamm. So what?

  Mamm was almost crawling along on her hands and knees right now to try to keep Mabel happy. The girl was spoiled, that’s what she was. She’d gotten used to running the household on her own since her mamm had died, and it had gone to Mabel’s head—all that bossing of her siblings. And Jesse, with his kind heart, probably wouldn’t see this fault in his daughter. Of course things had gotten out of hand. Katie sighed and gently slapped the reins against Sparky’s back. She had to stop thinking these nasty thoughts about Mabel or she would be all out of sorts when she arrived at Byler’s.

  Katie was determined to get along with Mabel, but clearly Mabel wouldn’t be easy to live with. Katie had already known it would be difficult, but there was nothing like seeing it firsthand. And Mabel probably wasn’t above spreading rumors around the community about either Mamm or her, Katie thought. Now that Mabel had intimate access to their lives, she might see something she’d deem questionable. They might well be in deeper trouble than Mamm and she had imagined. Katie shivered at the thought. Part of getting along with Mabel meant that Katie needed a life of her own that Mabel couldn’t touch. And that was exactly what she had in her relationships with Margaret and Sharon. How wunderbah of Da Hah to have looked out for her in this way. She would at least be safe from Mabel’s touch with them. Even Mabel’s strong ally,
Ruth Troyer—the schoolteacher Jesse had rejected in choosing Mamm—couldn’t reach the Mennonite youth group with her wagging tongue.

  Now that Katie had more time to think about it, this morning’s decision by Mamm had indeed been the wise choice. There were reasons Mamm should be afraid to cross Mabel. Mamm had no place to go like Katie did. Mamm was married to Jesse now, and she had to find a way to get along.

  Ahead of Katie, Byler’s store on Route 8 toward Dover came into view. Soon she was turning Sparky into the driveway. She unhitched in the back parking lot and led Sparky to the fence to tie him up so he could munch on grass while Katie worked. At the sound of buggy wheels, Katie looked up and saw Arlene drive in. She waited as Arlene pulled up and got out of her buggy.

  Arlene was her friend among the Amish young people and a fellow cashier at Byler’s. They weren’t that close because Arlene was on rumspringa, which Mamm had refused to allow Katie to participate in. And now Katie was attending Mennonite youth gatherings, and Arlene wasn’t part of that group. But she was the closest Amish friend Katie had—and a gut one at that.

  Arlene greeted Katie with a bright smile. “How’s married life treating the family?”

  Katie stifled a groan. “Okay, I guess.” She walked over to the opposite side of Arlene’s buggy to undo the harness.

  “Come on now.” Arlene laughed, obviously picking up on Katie’s discomfort. “Kind of sudden, huh? Being dropped in the middle of a family with five children. I can’t say I wouldn’t complain myself. After all the years you’ve had alone with your mamm, it must be hard to share her. Believe me, it’s different when you have brothers and sisters.”

  “I’m doing fine.” Katie laughed halfheartedly. “A few bumps in the road, but I think we’ll make it through.”