A Heart Once Broken Read online

  Rosemary looked more closely at the two buggies. One was Bishop Henry’s buggy. He was older, and if the bishop was inside, she wouldn’t ask him for help. Bishop Henry had grown feeble in his old age, which he more than made up for in spiritual strength. The other buggy belonged to Ezra Wagler. She was certain of it now that she looked closer, and surely Ezra would come to her aid. He was polite enough at the youth gatherings, even when he gave most of his attentions to one of the Troyer cousins.

  She needed a husband, Rosemary reminded herself, as she lingered near Buster and gathered her courage for the walk to the feed mill’s front door. But she hadn’t dared to show any interest in a man since Clyde. Nor had any unmarried man paid her more than a passing glance—which was likely her own fault. She didn’t give off friendly vibes when it came to men, but it was just the way she was. She couldn’t make herself do something that seemed so unnatural to her. She would just have to leave it all to God. As would Lydia and Sandra in their competition for Ezra.

  “Dear Lord, help me, and help Lydia and Sandra also to find happiness,” Rosemary whispered toward the heavens.

  The Troyer cousins had also experienced deep wounds lately. Sandra’s daett had died, and now there was news spread about the community that both Lydia’s and Sandra’s daetts had been involved in a scandal that had left their families penniless and deep in debt.

  Sandra’s daett had likely died of a heart attack over the stress caused by his financial losses. At least Rosemary’s daett, David, had claimed that was the reason for Emil Troyer’s passing, and he was probably right. Before the funeral the whispers around the community had been that Bishop Henry planned to have any man involved in the scandal make a confession in church—or worse. That could mean excommunication, which was normally used as correction for the worst infractions; and on this matter the community had been greatly shamed. There had been an article in the St. Lawrence Plain-dealer last week about the uncovered scheme. But there was no more talk of excommunication as punishment for Ben Troyer or anyone else. The death of Emil had been sufficient rebuke from the Lord, Bishop Henry said, and Daett claimed that most of the community agreed. Rosemary shivered. Clyde could say what he wished, but at least her daett hadn’t been involved in such a thing.

  Lydia and Sandra hadn’t paid Ezra much attention since the death of Sandra’s daett. Ezra had spoken with the cousins at the youth gathering like normal this week, but both Lydia and Sandra had responded to his condolences with dropped gazes and short replies. But soon the two would come out of their self-imposed mourning. Rosemary wondered, did she dare give Ezra attention in the meantime? Ezra was here at the feed mill. The thought sent shivers down her back. She didn’t have a chance against either Lydia or Sandra, and besides, both of the cousins were her friends. One didn’t undercut friends, even if she didn’t have the slightest chance of winning Ezra’s hand. And no doubt Ezra would smile at her clumsiness, and that would be the end of the matter.

  “Hi,” Rosemary chirped to the Englisha man who stood at the front door of the feed store.

  He was busy with another customer, and only gave Rosemary a passing glance.

  “Hi,” Rosemary chirped again as she arrived at the counter.

  The Englisha lady behind the cash register looked up with a smile. “Can I get anything for you?”

  “My daett wants a bag of fertilizer.” Rosemary handed over the paper with the numbers written on it. “This is supposed to mean something, I guess.”

  The lady chuckled. “It sure does. Just one bag?”

  “Yah,” Rosemary managed.

  The cash register rang, and the lady said, “That’ll be $12.50, young lady.”

  Rosemary handed over the twenty-dollar bill Daett had given her and collected the change.

  The lady handed Rosemary the receipt and motioned with her head. “The boys in the back will help you load, dear.”

  “Thank you,” Rosemary whispered.

  She knew an Englisha man who worked at the store could load her buggy in a decent manner, but she wanted to find Ezra. She hadn’t thought of that before, but an opportunity like this might not arise again. She wouldn’t dare be this bold at the youth gatherings, at least not in front of Sandra and Lydia. Here, it didn’t matter. She wasn’t being disloyal, because nothing could come of a few words spoken to Ezra.

  Rosemary took a deep breath and peeked down several of the aisles. Ezra wasn’t there. She tried another aisle with no more success. She then made her way toward the back of the feed mill, where she stopped short at the sight of Bishop Henry and Ezra deep in conversation near a stack of feed bags.

  What should she do now? Wait? Interrupt them? Before she could make up her mind, Bishop Henry called out, “Well, if it isn’t Rosemary Beiler. What are you up to today, shopping in a feed mill? Did you get lost?”

  Rosemary tried to smile. “Daett wanted a bag of fertilizer, and Mamm had me coming to town anyway.” Rosemary waved the receipt in the air.

  Ezra appeared friendly enough, but he didn’t say anything. Bishop Henry glanced between the two of them and cleared his throat. “Maybe I’d best be getting myself on home, then. And thanks for your counsel, Ezra.”

  The bishop touched his hat and left. Rosemary tried to breathe. Ezra had given the bishop counsel? Likely this was about the financial scandal that affected the two Troyer families.

  Rosemary put on her best smile. “Ezra, could you carry a bag of fertilizer to the buggy for me?”

  “Sure,” he said, but he seemed distracted. Ezra reached for the receipt and glanced at it. “How’s your daett doing?” he asked.

  “Okay, I guess.”

  “Thank the Lord your daett wasn’t involved in what the Troyers got themselves into.” Ezra stepped around the corner to hand the receipt to one of the Englisha men and finished his thought when he came back. “Their poor families are left at the mercy of the church now.”

  “I suppose so,” Rosemary agreed. “Lydia and Sandra are my friends, although we haven’t spoken about this too much. Those things can hurt a lot.”

  “That they do,” Ezra allowed. “I thought both men would have had more sense than to fall for something like that.”

  “Your daett is a goot businessman,” Rosemary said. She wasn’t used to being this close to Ezra alone, and if her heart didn’t quiet its race soon, she’d surely pass out on the spot.

  Ezra gave Rosemary a kind look. “Your family may not have much, but at least they didn’t do something foolish. I’ve tried to speak a few words of comfort to Lydia and Sandra, but they’re quite brokenhearted right now, which is understandable. I don’t hold any of this against them.”

  “Yah, it is sad,” Rosemary said. “This is a very hard time for them, and especially for Sandra with her daett’s death.”

  “Come.” Ezra motioned with his hand. “They should have the bag ready by now.”

  Rosemary followed him, stealing a brief glimpse of his handsome face when Ezra looked the other way.

  “There’s our bag of fertilizer,” Ezra announced as they approached the back dock. He hoisted the bag on his shoulder and set off across the parking lot without a backward glance.

  Rosemary hurried to keep up with Ezra’s long steps, and called after him, “You can put the bag in the back.”

  Ezra braced himself on the side of the open buggy with one hand, then easily lowered the bag with the other. Rosemary forced herself to move closer.

  “Thank you.” She smiled up at Ezra. “That was nice of you.”

  Ezra chuckled. “Glad to help, Rosemary. You have a goot day now.”

  She wanted to call after him, and say something…but what? It was all so useless. And she was wrong to act like this anyway.

  Rosemary watched Ezra’s back for a few moments before she untied Buster and climbed in the buggy. As Rosemary drove out of the parking lot, Ezra waved from the dock and Rosemary waved back. At least Ezra noticed her enough to wave good-bye.

  That was a small comf
ort.

  Chapter Six

  Lydia wasn’t sure what to do. Sandra had told her at a youth gathering last night that both of her sisters had been with two Englisha boys at a rock concert in Canton the weekend before.

  On Friday evening, when she found Emma and Rhoda alone in the kitchen washing dishes, she decided she needed to confront them.

  As she entered the kitchen, she didn’t beat around the bush. “What do you two think you’re doing by seeing Englisha boys?” Lydia demanded.

  Both Emma and Rhoda continued to work and ignored her.

  Lydia didn’t dare raise her voice. Mamm and Daett were in the living room, and she didn’t want them to overhear this conversation. Mamm probably wouldn’t say anything, but rumspringa or not, this behavior couldn’t be goot for the family’s reputation—especially coupled with the financial disaster Daett had already brought on them.

  “We’re not doing anything anyone else isn’t,” Rhoda finally offered.

  “So who paid for you to attend this rock concert?” Lydia tried to keep her voice even.

  Both sisters continued with their work but said nothing.

  “Rock concerts are expensive,” Lydia continued. “And you were with Englisha boys.”

  “Oh, come on, Lydia. You dated Englisha boys yourself during your rumspringa. Remember Rudy?” Emma shot back. “So don’t condemn us. We’re supposed to try out the world during our rumspringa.”

  A denial was useless, Lydia thought. Her sisters knew that many of the Amish girls went out with Englisha boys during their rumspringa time. But they also should know that those girls paid their own way. Otherwise obligations were incurred, which was the problem. And as for Rudy…well, she had hoped her sisters had forgotten about her dates with Rudy.

  “See, she’s dumbstruck.” Rhoda rubbed the words in. “So don’t lecture us, Lydia. There’s enough trouble here at home already.”

  “If you mean our financial situation,” Lydia said, “that’s still no reason to accept money from Englisha boys. They’ll expect payment of some kind.”

  Emma and Rhoda glanced at each other and shrugged.

  Lydia didn’t hide her horror. “So they already have!”

  “I can give out kisses for a rock concert,” Rhoda snapped. “That’s all we’ve done, or plan to do.”

  Lydia sighed. “Will you at least think about our family? Our reputation can be rebuilt, even with what Daett has done, but the way you two are acting doesn’t help.”

  “We’ll behave ourselves,” they said together. “We promise.”

  Lydia comforted herself, glad that at least her sisters sounded more willing than they had earlier.

  “We’re good girls,” Rhoda added.

  Lydia didn’t protest as she placed the last of the dirty dishes on the counter and left for the living room.

  Mamm looked up with a sorrowful face when Lydia walked in. She asked Lydia, “Is something wrong between you and the girls? I thought I heard arguing.”

  “Just trying to give some advice.” Lydia kept her voice lighthearted.

  Mamm wasn’t fooled, though. She chided, “We’re all going through some hard times right now, Lydia. Give your sisters some slack.”

  You don’t know what you’re saying, Lydia almost said, but she tried to smile instead. Mamm was doing the best she could.

  “I’m awful sorry about our state of affairs,” Daett said from his rocker. He appeared to have aged some twenty years in the past few weeks.

  “We’ll make it somehow,” Lydia mumbled, then gathered her courage and spoke louder. “Isn’t there some way you could give the girls money for their weekends? I think the Englisha boys are paying for some expensive items. I don’t think that’s right.”

  Daett’s face grew even longer. “We barely have money for food, Lydia. The church is helping out, so we certainly can’t spare money for rumspringa.”

  “Then tell the girls they have to stay home,” Lydia pled.

  “And have them rebel completely?” Mamm said.

  So that was the reason for her parents’ hesitation? Mamm must have spoken with both of the girls, who must have threatened to jump the fence permanently if their normal rumspringa time was interfered with.

  “I hope you see our point of view,” Mamm said. “I know this is hard for you. It has been for all of us…but things could be worse. We still have Daett with us.”

  Lydia nodded. She didn’t disagree with Mamm, but she wished her sisters would behave themselves. She had never pulled off such stunts while on her rumspringa.

  Emma and Rhoda appeared in the kitchen doorway. Emma said, “We’re all done with the dishes. Anything else?”

  Mamm tried to smile. “No, girls. You’ve done goot today. Take off the rest of the evening and relax.”

  Happy looks crossed their faces, and the sisters raced each other up the stairs.

  Daett stood up from his rocker to look out the window. “There’s a buggy coming in the lane.”

  “Surely it’s not the deacon again!” Mamm gasped.

  Daett’s face fell even as he shook his head. “No, it’s Sandra. And she’s alone.”

  “Sandra!” Mamm and Lydia said together.

  Lydia was at the door in a flash, but paused to gather her thoughts before she rushed out. Why would Sandra make the trip by herself? Was there fresh trouble after everything the family had already been through?

  “Go see what she wants,” Mamm ordered. “And bring her in if there’s something we need to know.”

  Lydia jerked open the front door and was at the hitching post by the time Sandra pulled to a stop.

  “Goot evening.” Lydia tried to catch her breath.

  “Goot evening,” Sandra replied with a grim face.

  “What is it?” Lydia demanded. “Not more bad news?”

  Sandra offered a weak smile. “No, I just had to get out of the house, and speak with you.”

  Lydia tied Sandra’s horse Dixie to the hitching post while she studied her cousin’s face. Did Sandra need comfort because of her daett’s death?

  Sandra climbed down from the buggy and seemed to hesitate before she asked, “Maybe we could find someplace private to talk? Maybe your room?”

  “Of course,” Lydia said. “But if it’s something my sisters can’t hear, upstairs might not be wise. They’re sure to eavesdrop.”

  Sandra winced. “Then maybe the front porch would be better.”

  Lydia nodded, and they walked together to the porch swing where Sandra sat down with a sigh. “So where do I begin?”

  Lydia patted her cousin’s arm. “Just take your time.”

  Sandra stared across the front lawn toward the setting sunset for a moment before she began. “You know that you and I go way back, Lydia, to our school years and even before that. We’ve always done things together, fun things like competing for the best grades in school, and who could win the most points at prisoner’s base. And lately it’s been Ezra…” Sandra’s voice trailed off.

  “Yah,” Lydia agreed, not sure where this was going.

  A tear trickled down Sandra’s cheek. “You know we’re ruined financially, Lydia. And we have no daett to get us back on our feet. Deacon Schrock was over last night for a visit. We’ll get some support for a while, but we’re also expected to make some choices of our own.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Lydia reached over to touch Sandra’s arm.

  Sandra whimpered. “Deacon Schrock brought an offer of marriage with him.”

  “For you?” Lydia gasped and leaned forward. “It can’t be!”

  Sandra shook her head. “For Mamm, but it might as well be for me.”

  “You had best explain yourself.”

  Sandra tried to smile. “Deacon Schrock wasn’t mean or anything, and he said Mamm could refuse if she wished. After all, Daett hasn’t been gone that long. But it’s one of those horrible situations. My brother Mark can’t support us for long, and Daett mortgaged the farm for much more than it was worth because
of that awful investment scheme of his. The place will have to be sold. Mark doesn’t want the debt when he can buy a bigger place for a lot less in this down market. And what is Mamm to do? At her young age she can’t move in with one of her married sisters. So the bottom line is that Mamm plans to accept the offer.”

  Lydia’s mind raced. She already knew the answer to her question, but the words still came out in a burst. “It’s that new family, isn’t it? The widower. Clyde’s daett, Amos.”

  “Yah.” Sandra’s voice broke. “That’s the one. I’ve heard he’s awful strict. They left the old community in Holmes County because the ordnung wasn’t kept well enough to suit him. And his son Clyde isn’t much better. You already know he dumped Rosemary—and it was all because her daett once attended a few church meetings with the New Order Amish. Can you imagine that?”

  “Some people are that way,” Lydia managed. “But will your Mamm be happy with this arrangement?”

  Sandra snorted. “Happier than if we starve.”

  “But that won’t happen,” Lydia objected. “Deacon Schrock would see to that. He’s also helping us for a while, you know.”

  Sandra sighed. “You still have your daett, Lydia. That makes all the difference in the world.”

  She couldn’t argue with that, so she asked, “So what will happen to you?”

  “I don’t know,” Sandra said. “No doubt the wedding will be soon. Amos will call on Mamm this Saturday.”

  “And you will live with them? In the same house with Clyde?”

  “See what I mean?” Sandra turned her head sideways. “It’s not going to work. We’re both too old to adjust, and I can’t stand the man. Look what Clyde did to poor Rosemary. The girl’s still shaken from her experience with him.”

  “You’re probably right,” Lydia agreed. “But I don’t know what you can do.”

  Sandra hesitated for a second. “There is something you could do. I hate to ask, but I’m desperate. This would be the biggest thing I’ve ever asked of you.”

  “So what is it?”