Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) Read online

  The bishop’s voice trembled when he reached her. “Do you, our sister Debbie, confess before Da Hah and these many witnesses that you will forsake the devil, the world, and your own flesh, and that you will obey the voice of Da Hah alone?”

  “Yah,” Debbie said softly.

  A light touch of a hand came down on her kapp.

  Deacon Mast, who stood beside the bishop, tipped his water pitcher three times as the bishop intoned, “I baptize you in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. You may stand to your feet.”

  Saloma had made her way out of the married women’s section by the time Bishop Beiler had helped Debbie to her feet. Saloma took her hand and kissed her on the cheek. The two embraced. Saloma didn’t release Debbie right away as a soft sob escaped her. When Deacon Mast cleared his throat, Saloma held Debbie at arm’s length and gave her a teary-eyed smile.

  Debbie wiped her eyes. On the way back to their seats, she almost stumbled over a satchel set up against a bench leg. Saloma noticed and reached back with a hand to steady her. Saloma’s eyes shone with happiness. Thankful for the help, Debbie’s thoughts turned inward. It was almost as if she were born anew today. She’d become someone she hadn’t been by natural birth. But wasn’t that the way it should be? Her heart pounded as she kept her eyes on the songbook for the last song. On this her baptismal day, would Alvin finally make up his mind and ask her home? Surely this would help. If Alvin did ask her, she could move on to the next important goal all Amish girls had—saying marriage vows with the man they loved. And beyond that to raise families for the next generation of people of faith and community.

  The singing finished, Debbie remained seated for a moment, catching her breath from all the excitement. Deacon Mast’s frau, Susie, was the first to come up and greet her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

  “You made it, Debbie!” Susie was all smiles. “We all knew you would.”

  “Thanks to the Beilers’ help,” Debbie replied at once. Even in triumph, she knew one gave thanks to others for the parts they played.

  “You did plenty yourself,” Susie told her. “And now you’re really one of us. Well, I’m glad for you.” Susie’s face fell for a moment. “Da Hah gives and Da Hah takes, that’s what I told David this morning. Not that long ago we lost a member, but today we gain new ones.”

  Debbie’s voice caught. “That was so sad about Barbara’s passing.”

  Susie nodded. “One should never question Da Hah though. He always knows what’s best.”

  “It’s still so hard.” The words slipped out.

  Susie didn’t appear offended. “That’s the part we must work through, trusting Him. Well, let’s not spoil the joy of your day, Debbie. Welcome again.”

  “Thank you,” Debbie whispered as Susie moved on. Others came and shook her hand, wishing her God’s best and telling her what a blessing and inspiration she was to many of them. She was surprised to hear that. The community had been a blessing to her more than anything.

  Ida soon pulled on her hand. “Shall we go help with the tables?”

  “Of course,” Debbie agreed. She didn’t expect royal treatment, even though it was her special day. Back to work it was. There had been no sign of Verna seated among the women today, but she hadn’t expected her friend to venture out again until the birth of her child. Ida seemed to read her glance as they made their way to the kitchen. “I don’t see Verna either, but I’m sure she’s thinking of you.”

  “Thanks.” Debbie smiled. The kitchen was crowded, with women and girls everywhere. Ida found Deacon Mast’s wife, Susie, and tapped on her shoulder. “May we help somewhere?”

  Susie thought for a moment. “The unmarried men’s table in the back of the house needs help.”

  Debbie’s feelings sank as Ida moved toward the bowls of peanut butter and red beets lined up on the counter. She had no choice but to follow Ida’s lead, although at the moment she’d rather do almost anything else. Debbie loaded her hands with bowls. Maybe she could drop out of line and serve the married men’s table instead. But that would provoke strange glances from the other girls since that table apparently had plenty of servers assigned to it.

  She still hadn’t seen any sign of Alvin, but Paul Wagler was here, plain as day. He looked up and smiled at her as they approached the unmarried men’s table.

  “What an honor!” Paul cracked. “Our food ought to be so blessed today, being freshly baptized and all.”

  “You can shut up!” Debbie snapped before she could seal her lips. This would only encourage Paul further. Why couldn’t she keep her mouth shut when Paul teased? The room teetered with laugher, and Paul’s look was triumphant. Ida placed her bowls on the table with a quick sideways glance at Paul. Ida used to have her heart set on the eventual capture of the man’s attention, but that had never happened. Why didn’t Ida try again? Debbie wondered. Instead she planned to settle for Minister Kanagy. Such an effort would so be like the self-sacrificing Ida. She probably didn’t even know how to pursue her own interest in Paul. And Paul wasn’t interested anyway. He wanted a flashier girl—like Debbie, Paul claimed.

  “Oh, she’s still in dreamland… ” Paul leaned over to coo in Debbie’s direction. “Well, I say I’m glad to see it myself.”

  There was weak laughter from the other men. Paul sounded half-genuine in his appreciation. Debbie’s heart softened toward him for a moment. Surely on one’s baptismal day she ought to think nice thoughts—even of Paul Wagler.

  Paul had a big grin on his face. “I see Deacon Mast’s water didn’t wash away any of her beauty.”

  “That’s enough out of you!” Ida gave Paul a glare.

  Paul appeared chastened for a second before he joined in the laughter all around him.

  As she followed Ida back to the kitchen, Debbie stared at her friend in astonishment. What had come into Ida to speak up like that? Normally she didn’t dare stand up to any wisecrack Paul made.

  “Thank you!” Debbie whispered. Emery had sat at the end of the table, but he acted like he approved of Paul’s actions. Thankfully his sister disagreed. It would have been nice if Emery had also stuck up for her.

  Ida glanced back, appearing pale and surprised at her words to Paul. “That wasn’t a nice thing for him to say.”

  Debbie smiled. “At least you noticed. But I know that’s just Paul.”

  Ida continued as if she hadn’t heard. “You’re good looking and very decent, Debbie. On that he was saying the truth.”

  “Hush!” Debbie felt a rush of heat run up her neck. “Don’t say that.” Now if Alvin said such things she would have accepted them—but not from Paul.

  Ida gave her a weak smile. “I guess it isn’t decent to say such things.”

  Debbie leaned closer in the press of the crowd of women to whisper, “You ought to pursue him yourself, you know.”

  Ida choked for a moment. “Now you’re thinking crazy. You ought to accept who Da Hah has laid out for you, Debbie. The two of you are made for each other like peas in a pod.”

  Ida’s words stung deep. She meant them as a compliment, but Debbie knew she and Paul were not in any way a match. Paul was an arrogant man. Despite Ida’s own feelings for Paul, she’d tried to push Paul and her together all of last year. Ida acting in her usual self-sacrificing way, of course.

  Debbie stepped closer as Ida leaned toward her. “Debbie, did you notice Alvin wasn’t here on your baptismal day?”

  Debbie winced. She’d been too distracted by Paul’s teases to see for sure if Alvin was at the unmarried men’s table.

  Ida continued. “I really should tell you this, Debbie. It’s not right that you don’t know.”

  Debbie gave Ida a quick glance. Ida wasn’t one to spread rumors, so she had to think this was serious news.

  Ida came even closer. “Alvin’s mamm, Helen, hasn’t been well for some time—since her stroke this summer.”

  Debbie nodded and waited. She already knew that.

  Ida str
uggled for the words. “The Knepp family hired on Mildred Schrock the week before last. Alvin’s daett won’t move in with any of the sisters-in-law. Not unless he absolutely has to. Anyway, Mildred’s living right there on the farm, Debbie. You know what that could mean. And Alvin could have forbidden it—if he had objected. You do know Alvin pursued Mildred when they were in school?”

  Debbie caught her breath. Would this explain Alvin’s hesitancy all summer after he’d almost promised her a date? Had Alvin fallen for his old sweetheart? It made way too much sense. Debbie grabbed the edge of the counter in front of her. “Yes, I knew.”

  Ida clutched her arm. “I’m not trying to startle you, Debbie, but it’s time you knew. Alvin not showing up today may mean something.”

  A fire shone in Ida’s eyes that Debbie didn’t see very often. What had gotten into her? Probably the injustice she perceived in Alvin’s continued play with her affections while a man like Paul stood on the sidelines ready to sweep her up the first chance he had.

  “It’s probably a coincidence,” Debbie managed. “We mustn’t read too much into this.”

  They filled their arms with bowls of food again. Ida was obviously not convinced, and neither was Debbie, if truth be told. This did look like a real threat to her future with Alvin. She knew from the stories Verna had told her before she married Joe that Mildred had shown Alvin attention before they joined the youth group. Why Mildred stopped, Verna never ventured to guess. Likely because of the Knepp reputation for being poor farmers. But now with the revelation that Alvin wasn’t to blame for that, things might be different. Alvin had taken over his father’s farm and it was prospering, so perhaps Mildred regretted her original decision and was interested in Alvin again.

  No wonder Alvin hadn’t asked her home all summer. Debbie shook her head to clear the spinning world in front of her eyes. She pasted on a bright smile. This was her baptismal day, and she wouldn’t allow Alvin Knepp to spoil it… even though her heart throbbed with deep pain.

  Four

  That Sunday evening the hymn singing drew to a close, and Debbie sat on the front bench trying to concentrate on the songbook Ida held with her. Ida didn’t know what had transpired just before the evening meal. She should have told her friend at once, but Debbie couldn’t bring herself to speak the words. The problem was she couldn’t believe the conversation with Alvin had occurred or that she’d agreed to allow him to drive her home tonight. Not after what Ida had told her this afternoon.

  Even now Mildred sat further down the row of girls beaming a big smile straight across the aisle at Alvin. She’d done so all evening. Alvin at least had the decency not to return the attention. But how did Mildred dare give Alvin such open attention if there were no feelings between the two of them? Debbie scolded herself for returning to those dark thoughts of doubting Alvin. Wasn’t his asking her home answer enough? It was, after all, the moment she’d so longed for.

  Alvin had been all smiles when he spoke to her. He hadn’t looked at all like he had anything he should be ashamed of. “Sorry to miss your baptism this morning, Debbie,” he’d said. “The cows were sick with mastitis again, and I was waiting for the vet.”

  “And your daett? Where was he?” she’d managed to choke out.

  “Oh… ” Alvin shrugged. “He doesn’t get involved in running the farm any longer.”

  As if that answered all the questions. Why was Mildred at his daett’s house to care for his mamm when other girls were likely available?

  Alvin hadn’t seemed to pick up on her rumpled spirits. “I… I’m finally ready to take you home, Debbie. Like we spoke of last spring. I’m sorry it’s taken so long. Is tonight okay? I mean, if there’s a problem, I can wait until next Sunday.”

  The man at least had the decency to act a little hesitant. But that was usually Alvin’s problem, not his virtue. Debbie knew she ought to be thankful Alvin had gained as much confidence as he had. His time spent in her world hadn’t been entirely wasted. Perhaps that was why she’d decided not to snap at him. There might be nothing between him and Mildred, although if Ida thought so, how could it be just imagination?

  Alvin had regarded her with a question on his face. “Is everything okay, Debbie?”

  “Oh! Yes, of course,” she’d chirped. “Tonight’s just fine.”

  Now here they were, almost time to go home, and Ida still hadn’t been told. Down the bench Mildred was still smiling like a sunflower that followed the sun. Debbie couldn’t remember that Mildred had acted like this last Sunday, but then Mildred hadn’t moved in with Alvin’s parents until recently.

  Debbie focused back on the service as the last song was given out. Mildred would find out soon enough that she had allowed Alvin to take her home. That would cool Mildred’s obviously revived ardor. And Debbie and Alvin had way too much history together to throw it all away on an innocent thing like who had moved in next door to help Alvin’s parents in their time of need. The community girls did that kind of thing all the time, and no one thought twice about it.

  The song ended and the soft murmur of young people’s chatter began. Debbie didn’t move as a few of the men who dated steady jumped to their feet and went outside to get their horses. Their girlfriends gave them brief glances and went on with their conversations with the other girls. There was no sense in rushing outside to wait in the cold before the men had their horses and buggies ready.

  Now was the time when she had to tell Ida. Alvin might leave at any moment. And sure enough—as if Alvin had heard her thoughts—he got to his feet and left, followed by the admiring look of Mildred Schrock. As Alvin slipped out the door, Debbie forced herself to nudge Ida.

  “I’m not going home with you and Emery tonight.”

  Ida turned around, a look of surprise on her face.

  Debbie whispered, “Alvin’s taking me.”

  Ida gasped and a few girls glanced their way.

  “Please! Don’t make a fuss,” Debbie said. “I’ll explain later.”

  Ida collected herself. “Of course!” she squeaked.

  This didn’t go well, Debbie thought. She had to get out of here whether Alvin was ready or not. Several of the girls were still staring at her as Debbie fled toward the washroom. They could all figure out tomorrow what the fuss had been about. By then the whole community would know Alvin had taken her home.

  Debbie found her shawl in the bedroom and stepped outside. The evening air had cooled considerably. She wrapped her shawl tightly around her shoulders. Now to find Alvin’s buggy. A line of girls stood at the end of the sidewalk and gave her quick glances. Well, they would just have to be curious. She wouldn’t announce the news, but she also wouldn’t stand here in uncomfortable silence. Why couldn’t she find Alvin’s buggy and help him hitch up? It wasn’t exactly the custom of dating girls, but neither was she the normal Amish girl.

  Debbie moved on past the line of girls, navigating around the buggies lined up to go to the driveway. She soon found Alvin’s buggy without any problems. He hadn’t arrived from the barn with his horse, so she waited in the shadows until he appeared leading a snorting horse by the bridle. He appeared pleased to see her. He must have interpreted her early arrival as eagerness to have him drive her home. Hopefully this misconception warmed his heart more than Mildred’s smiles had all evening. But she mustn’t think about Mildred anymore. Debbie had wanted this for so long. Why spoil the evening?

  Debbie fastened the tug on her side in sync with Alvin’s movements. She climbed in, and he threw her the lines before he got in himself. She handed him the reins as soon as he was settled.

  Alvin gently slapped them against his horse’s back. “Get up, Star.”

  Well, now she knew the name of his horse! Debbie hid her smile. She didn’t want Alvin to know she valued any information about him she could gather. He didn’t need to know that.

  Alvin steered his buggy around the others, and it bounced in a ditch once before they reached the blacktop. Debbie settled back in the seat. She
actually was on a ride home with Alvin Knepp! It was hard to believe.

  “Chilled off a bit,” Alvin commented, offering her more of the buggy blanket.

  Debbie tucked the edge under her. “Does this cold weather affect your cows?” She didn’t know much about cows, but it sounded like an intelligent question.

  Alvin grimaced. “Cold is never good for sickness, but the vet thinks we’ll be okay. I milked the sick ones out and dumped the milk. All I can say is we can’t afford much more of this.”

  “How is the farm doing?” Debbie already knew the answer, but she wanted Alvin to talk about it.

  “Dad took the change hard.” Alvin glanced at her. “I suppose you wondered why I took so long getting back to you… about taking you home. It’s not because I was having doubts, Debbie. But I was busy and having to deal with Daett’s disapproval of… well… lots of things.” Alvin slapped the reins again to get Star to speed up. “I guess I should explain. Things weren’t the best around the farm growing up. I had to make a lot of changes this year to get the place working right. None of this was easy, but things are going smoothly now. And with your baptism out of the way, I thought it was time.”

  Debbie swallowed hard. “My baptism, Alvin? You didn’t trust me before this? And your daett? Does he not approve of me?”

  Alvin swallowed hard. “Of course I trusted you, Debbie. But…I mean… how do I explain? It’s like this. I saw so much out there in your world. What with being with Crystal Meyers on a few dates and seeing how her life had turned out. And I wondered… Well, it doesn’t matter now. I know you’re not Crystal.”

  Debbie couldn’t keep the disappointment out of her voice. “But you thought I might be? And your daett thinks so too?”

  Alvin turned to face her. “Okay, yah, I did. The thought crossed my mind, and I had to be sure. Plus, Daett was highly disapproving—actually still is highly disapproving of us. And I had already challenged him on enough things. It was best that I waited. Please try to understand.”