Until I Love Again Read online

  Joey fixed his gaze on his bride and began. “I met you a long time ago, Susanna, and yet it seems like only yesterday. I’ve known almost since our first day together that I loved you, and yet the Lord saw fit to allow it to deepen and grow while we both waited for the right time to declare our love. I have spoken to you often of my love,” Joey continued, “and I vow to you today to love you always, to think not of what is best for me, but what is best for us. I will seek to take my place as your husband in a way that fulfills your dreams and hopes, even your highest expectations. I will be there for you, in the good times, in the dark valleys, when things go well, and when they go badly. I will not say ‘I said so,’ even when I am right, and I will laugh at myself when I am wrong. I will always love you for what you are and for what you will become. I will never regret this day or what the Lord has given us, because He had led us together. For that, I promise, I will always be thankful.”

  Pastor Rosen turned to Susanna and nodded.

  Susanna lifted her head and looked into Joey’s eyes. There was no way she could speak right now. She had not known that Joey would say such things. Thankfully no one shifted on their feet or cleared their throat. Pastor Rosen’s smile never dimmed as he waited.

  After a few moments, she gathered her emotions and began to speak in a shaky voice. “You have been my angel, Joey. You have been there when I needed you, and often when I didn’t know I did. You have read my heart well, and your touch has been the touch of the Lord. You have been His friend first, and for that I will always be grateful. You have loved Him before you loved me. I thank you for loving me, Joey, and I will always love you. I will always look up to you as the angel the Lord sent into my life to walk beside me as my husband. I will always reach for your hand when trouble comes. I will always think of you when I am in need of comfort. I will try to be the kind of wife you need, Joey, because you are a truly wonderful man.”

  Susanna lowered her head. That little speech sounded stupid next to Joey’s wunderbah words, but it had come out of her heart. Pastor Rosen seemed pleased when she looked up to meet his gaze.

  “Thank you, both of you,” he said. “That was beautiful, and now for my little part.” He grinned. “Do you, Joseph Delaney Macalister, take this woman, Susanna Miller, as your lawful wedded wife?”

  “I do,” Joey said, his voice firm.

  Pastor Rosen turned to Susanna. “And do you, Susanna Miller, take this young man, Joseph Delaney Macalister, as your lawful wedded husband?”

  “I do,” Susanna said, her voice still shaking.

  Pastor Rosen took both of their hands in his. “Then by virtue of the authority vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife before the Lord and these witnesses. May the Lord bless you greatly and keep you always in His divine care.”

  With that said, Pastor Rosen motioned for them to turn around. “It is my pleasure,” he announced, “to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Delaney Macalister.”

  The brief ceremony over, the couple walked back down the aisle. For the next twenty minutes they accepted congratulations and tight hugs from loved ones and the guests who had attended.

  When the time seemed right, after many well wishes, Joey took Susanna by the hand and led her to his car. The remaining guests crowded around them and threw rice as Joey quickly turned the car around and drove his bride out of the lane.

  Once they were on the highway, Joey turned to Susanna and said, “You made the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

  “And you,” she said without hesitation, “said the most wonderful vows. I’ll never forget a word of what you said.”

  “You deserved them and then some,” Joey said. He reached over for her hand. “I do love you, Mrs. Macalister.”

  Susanna closed her eyes. The wonder of the short wedding still filled her heart. She didn’t want the moment to fade.

  A few minutes later, Joey pulled into the Millers’ driveway.

  Susanna gasped at the sight before her. Everyone was out on the front porch in their Sunday best.

  “Looks like we’re in for a warm welcome,” Joey said with a grin.

  Susanna drew a long breath, and an idea rose in her mind. Could she dare ask this of Joey on their wedding day? Surely Mamm and Daett wouldn’t refuse the request.

  Susanna clutched Joey’s arm as they came to a stop near the barn. “Will you do your new wife a tremendous favor?” she asked.

  “The marriage test already?” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “Of course I will. Anything you want. What dost thou wish?”

  “Let’s stay here for the night instead of at the hotel in Ogdensburg. They’ll let us use my old room, Joey. I know they will. It’s still empty.”

  “I suppose this is what an Amish couple would do,” he said. “Okay, just give me a moment to think about it.”

  “Oh, Joey,” she said. “You are an angel.”

  He laughed. “I doubt that, but come—we have your family to meet, and the whole evening in front of us.”

  Susanna waited until Joey had opened the car door for her. She held his hand for the walk toward the house, but they didn’t get far. Mamm arrived first and wrapped Susanna in a hug while Daett shook Joey’s hand.

  “So this is your wife?” Daett teased.

  “Yep!” Joey joined in the laughter. “Did you ever see a fairer bride?”

  “She was my fair daughter first,” Daett said. “And a mighty fine one.”

  Susanna let go of Mamm to fly into Daett’s arms, and silent sobs shook both of them.

  Daett finally released his embrace and held Susanna at arm’s length. “My heart is right full of joy today.”

  “Oh, Daett!” Susanna exclaimed as they embraced again.

  Henry cleared his throat loudly. “If all this hugging doesn’t stop, I’m leaving.”

  “No you’re not!” Susanna said as she let go of Daett to open her arms to him.

  Henry grinned but offered a handshake instead. “That’s goot enough for me,” he said.

  They all laughed as Susanna shook hands with the rest of her brothers, right down to little Tobias. Joey took her hand when she finished, and Susanna led him toward the house. Mamm and Daett followed behind while the others ran ahead to change back into their regular clothing.

  Susanna turned to Mamm and said, “If it’s all right, we’d like to stay for supper and for the night—in my old room. Then we’ll fly out early tomorrow from Ogdensburg for the honeymoon.”

  “Of course it’s all right,” Mamm said, a pleased look on her face. “This is a great honor indeed.”

  “Yah, it is,” Daett added.

  “Come.” Susanna led Joey through the living room and upstairs. Slowly she opened her old bedroom door and led Joey inside. Mamm had cleaned the room and polished the furniture since she had been up here last. In this bedroom she had lived another life, and here she hoped to spend the first night of her new life with Joey.

  “So this is it,” Joey said as he looked around at the humble furnishings in the room. “I do believe we can stay until the morning.”

  “Thank you, Joey,” she told him, gazing up into this face. “You are my love, my sweet, sweet love.”

  Discussion Questions

  1. What was the source of Susanna’s conflicted feelings at the beginning of the story? What would you have done about them?

  2. What triggered Susanna’s father to share the secret of Susanna’s past with her? Would he have done this without this trigger?

  3. How would you react to a similar revelation from your father?

  4. What is your opinion of the two main male characters, Joey and Ernest?

  5. Would you have had any advice for Joey in his confrontations with Susanna’s father?

  6. Should Susanna have cooperated as her family lay down rules for the end of her rumspringa?

  7. Do you have sympathies for Susanna’s long hesitation in jumping the fence?

  8. What is your opinion of Bishop En
os and Deacon Herman? Should either of them have done things differently?

  9. Did you hope Ernest would win Susanna’s hand in marriage?

  10. What are your feelings on Emma’s crush for Ernest? Do you think Emma was happy with the outcome of events?

  11. What are your feelings toward Susanna’s daett when he takes Susanna to visit her unknown grandparents?

  12. What was your opinion of Susanna’s wedding? What about Susanna’s decision to follow an Amish tradition and spend her wedding night in her parent’s home?

  A Heart Once Broken

  Want more from Jerry Eicher?

  The following excerpt is from another engaging, heart-tugging story in The St. Lawrence County Amish series.

  Chapter One

  Lydia Troyer smoothed the wrinkles in her dress with a quick brush of her hand as she watched Ezra Wagler’s buggy pull into Deacon Schrock’s lane on Kelley Road. Now Ezra would put his horse, Midnight, in the barn and join the other St. Lawrence County Amish young people with the work at hand.

  They had all gathered on this Friday evening to help clean the house and yard of the recently arrived deacon and his frau, Ruth Ann, who had both just joined the community. After their tiring move from Holmes County, Ohio, the couple appeared happy and had settled easily into the North Country in upstate New York.

  Lydia gave her dress another quick brush and glanced at the barn door, hoping to catch Ezra’s attention as he joined the young workers. A minute later and still no Ezra, Lydia looked across the yard to where her cousin Sandra Troyer was on her knees in the garden, pulling weeds with several of the other girls. Lydia allowed a smile to creep across her face. Tonight she had the advantage over Sandra. Her brush-cutting assignment wouldn’t leave smudges on her dress or dark streaks on her hands. Sandra, too, was looking at the barn door for the same reason she was. As were a few of the other young girls with similar aspirations.

  That was one of the things so maddening about Ezra, besides his handsome goot looks. He was the young man many of the community girls set their kapps for…though everyone knew she and her cousin Sandra had the inside track. The two had vied for Ezra’s attentions ever since they finished their rumspringa days—about the same time Ezra and his family joined the community.

  The rivalry of the two cousins had begun in their school days, long before Ezra had arrived. Even as rivals, they had managed to stay steadfast friends, though lately things had become a little grim. What had begun as a healthy competition—such as who could get the most 100s in school—had turned into something more serious after their rumspringa convinced both of them to be baptized and settle into Amish life. The cousins had wasted no time making their interest in the newcomer known. And Ezra, seeming to enjoy the attention, was obviously in no hurry to choose between the two cousins.

  “Maddening!” Lydia muttered aloud.

  “I know,” Rosemary said from a few feet away. “These weeds are stubborn as all get-out.” Lydia took another whack with her hoe as she gave Rosemary a smile. Thankfully the younger girl couldn’t read her thoughts.

  Though Lydia’s rivalry with Sandra descended to low depths at times, neither she nor Sandra seemed able to back off. On this point they were equally determined. Whoever won Ezra’s hand in marriage would have won the most important competition between the two girls.

  For this contest they were evenly matched indeed. Both Sandra and Lydia had decent looks—among the best in the St. Lawrence County Amish community. Lydia had heard whispered more than once by one of the younger girls in frustration, “Those pretty Troyer cousins!”

  Lydia stood up straighter as she caught sight of Ezra’s smiling face. He walked her way, but then he glanced across the barnyard to where Sandra was working and waved toward her. Sandra waved back, but stayed on her knees. Lydia grinned as Sandra tried in desperation to tuck a few loose strands of hair under her kapp with one hand. The attempt, no doubt, left further smudges of dirt on Sandra’s face.

  Ezra hollered something toward Sandra she couldn’t understand. Sandra appeared to smile and hollered something back as Ezra moved closer. Lydia could see the girls near Sandra giggle at this exchange between the two. After a few words, Ezra moved on, walking toward Lydia.

  “Looks like you get your chance now,” Rosemary said with a wicked smile. “When are Sandra and you going to settle this matter?”

  Lydia didn’t answer. There wasn’t anything to say. Ezra would choose soon. He would have to. She so wanted to win this competition. It had always been difficult to tell who would gain the upper hand, whether Sandra or herself. Back in their school days Sandra would have the best average grade one week, and the next week Lydia would be ahead. But with this contest, someone would be left heartbroken. That would hurt worse than any defeat they’d suffered at school.

  Lydia rallied her emotions as Ezra drew near.

  “Hi there, Ezra,” Rosemary chirped before Lydia could speak. “We’ve been needing a man on this fencerow for some time.”

  Lydia gave Ezra a sly smile, but remained quiet now that Rosemary had spoken up first. She used a low-key approach. Sandra, on the other hand, could chatter a hundred miles a minute when she had the opportunity.

  “Well, then. It looks like I’ve come to the right place,” Ezra said with a chuckle.

  Lydia gave Ezra an admiring look. “You should be able to handle the rest of this fencerow all by yourself then.”

  “Oh no,” Ezra protested. “I wouldn’t want to lose the company of two such pretty females. Please stay.”

  Rosemary gave a sly grin. “Your sugar tongue will get you nowhere with me, you know.”

  Ezra grinned. “A man’s gotta try, doesn’t he?”

  Lydia joined in their laughter. That was what she loved about Ezra. He could joke and laugh with any of the young people and make everyone feel special and appreciated.

  Rosemary handed her hoe to Ezra. “Here, I’ll go get another one.”

  “Thanks,” Ezra replied, seemingly pleased with the offer.

  Lydia worked on a tall thistle as Rosemary hurried away. This gave her a few moments alone with Ezra. Giving him a quick glance, she said, “You look handsome tonight. Did your mamm make that new shirt for you?”

  Ezra grinned and said, “Yah. Thanks for the compliment. Now I can relax for the rest of the evening knowing everything’s fine. There’s nothing like arriving at a gathering and finding out your mamm forgot to sew a seam.”

  “You’re mamm wouldn’t do that,” she chided. “She’s among the best seamstresses in the community.”

  “Yah, I was teasing.” Ezra whacked away at the weeds again before he looked up to say, “I heard there was another new family moving into the community. Have you met them?”

  “No.” Lydia busied herself with a stubborn root.

  “The oldest boy is around our age, I was told.” Ezra gave Lydia a quick glance. “His name’s Clyde Helmuth. He’s the boy right over there—the one with the pitchfork.”

  Lydia looked toward where Ezra had motioned with his chin. There was indeed a new boy near the barn. She had been too wrapped up in Ezra to notice. His straw hat cast shadows on his face, but he looked handsome enough.

  “I imagine you girls will have him matched up with someone before long,” Ezra teased.

  Lydia teased back by saying, “Maybe so. Maybe it’ll be me. I seem to be available.” She gave the weeds in front of her another wallop.

  “Surely you wouldn’t fall for a strange man so quickly,” Ezra scolded.

  “Maybe I would and maybe I wouldn’t,” Lydia said. “And who knows. My cousin Sandra might fall for him.”

  “Are you wishing she would?” Ezra’s eyes twinkled. He was on to her now.

  “Yah,” Lydia admitted. She knew she might as well say the truth. “That might help you make up your mind.”

  Ezra grinned from ear to ear. “Maybe it would and maybe it wouldn’t,” he teased back.

  Ezra was still grinning when Rosemary retu
rned with her new hoe. She gave them both a quick look and said, “Is something funny going on that you want to share with me?”

  “No,” Ezra said, teasing again. “We thought maybe you got hung up talking with the new fellow over by the barn. Young and handsome Clyde Helmuth?”

  Rosemary colored a little. “Clyde who?”

  Ezra laughed. “I can go tell him you’re available.”

  “No need,” Rosemary snapped. “He already knows that. Clyde and I go way back. Our families have been friends for years…before his family moved here.”

  Ezra’s tone softened. “I didn’t know that. Did something happen between the two of you?”

  The look on Rosemary’s face was enough of an answer, but she still said, “I used to date him, but we broke up.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” Lydia reached over to give Rosemary a quick squeeze on the arm. “I had no idea.”

  Rosemary shrugged. “Most people don’t know. It was only for a few dates. Clyde felt like the relationship wasn’t what he wanted.”

  “There will be someone for you, I’m sure,” Ezra encouraged her.

  “I can see why your heart is still attached to the man,” Lydia whispered to Rosemary, loud enough for Ezra to hear. “He’s quite handsome.”

  “Yah.” Rosemary bit her lip and attacked a thick weed with her hoe.

  Ezra gathered up an armful of thornbushes and headed toward the garden where Sandra was working. Lydia tried to keep busy and not pay attention to what Ezra was doing. The burn pile was near the garden’s edge, and Lydia was sure Ezra would stop to speak with Sandra.

  Lydia turned her attention to Rosemary. “Is it hard for you, then? With Clyde now living right here in the community?”