A Baby for Hannah (Hannah's Heart 3) Read online

  Mose sighed deeply. “I can still remember not that long ago, Jake, when you came to us from working up in those mountains. I guess we could have made a lot of trouble for you. Think about that. You know that one word from Bishop John back to your bishop in Iowa would have stirred up a hornet’s nest, as they say. Don’t you think it’s time you returned the favor?”

  “These are matters of the heart,” Jake said, turning the buggy into Mose’s lane. “How can I say I agree when I don’t? You can see already how much trouble this has stirred up. We will be the laughingstock of all the Mennonite world if we excommunicate Ben and Sylvia. They will know why we’ve done so, and they will use it against us. I can hear Ben running his mouth already.”

  “I guess that’s not for us to decide,” Mose said, climbing down from the buggy. “But I still think you should support John tomorrow.”

  “I’ll support him,” Jake said, keeping a firm grip on the reins.

  “That may not be enough,” Mose said. “People are going to see through that. At least that’s my opinion. What we need is a firm and united front. So think about it, Jake. Okay?”

  “I haven’t changed my mind.”

  Mose forced a laugh. “You are a stubborn one. Well, good night then. I hope Hannah isn’t too worried.”

  “Good night,” Jake said, turning the buggy around. He avoided the ditch and turned on his buggy lights once he was on the main road. In the stillness of the night he rode, thinking and listening to the horse’s hooves on the pavement.

  Would Hannah be in tears when he arrived back at the cabin? There had been plenty of reason for her feeling of apprehension. Who would have thought that Mary Keim and Mr. Brunson were up to the things they were? Technically neither had done anything wrong yet, but that would all change tomorrow when Bishop John excommunicated Ben and Sylvia. That action would send an unmistakable signal to the rest of the community.

  Jake held the lines in one hand and wiped his face with the other. Should he perhaps support Bishop John fully, lest a real split in the church happen if the members found out there was disagreement in the ministry?

  The horse’s pace quickened as Jake turned up the graveled lane. He leaned out of the buggy at the first incline, looking toward the cabin, but he could see nothing. Had Hannah given up on him and gone to bed? Perhaps that would be best instead of waiting up and worrying.

  Faint clouds scurried across the moonless sky, and the dark outlines of the mountains on the horizon were drawn by the twinkling stars. Jake settled wearily back into the buggy seat. Would Hannah want him to wake her with the heavy news he had to share? Or should he wait until morning? Hopefully he could unhitch the horse, quietly slip into the house, and crawl into bed without waking her. She needed her rest now more than ever with the bobli coming. This church stress certainly wasn’t needed. Yet neither of them had asked for this burden, nor could they control its outcome.

  A light from the cabin window caught his eye. Hannah was still up—or perhaps she had fallen asleep on the couch. Still, she would be there when he walked in the front door.

  Quickly Jake unhitched, leading Joel into the barn. He whinnied loudly at the sight of Mosey. Jake closed the stall door behind him, shoveling a small scoop of oats into the feed box. The horse had done its duty tonight and deserved a little extra. Had he done his duty? That was the question. Mostly he had ridden along in the buggy and listened to Mose.

  He pushed the barn door shut behind him, glancing briefly at the starry sky. From the looks of things, the weather would clear off overnight. Now if this church trouble would only blow away this easily. But church troubles rarely do.

  Hannah opened the cabin door when Jake walked up onto the porch. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

  “Oh, Jake,” she said. “You didn’t come back for so long. I was worried. And I made your favorite chocolate cake.”

  “You didn’t have to wait up for me,” Jake whispered. “You need your sleep, and I can eat the cake tomorrow.”

  “But I wanted to wait up. And I want to know how things went.”

  “I really don’t want to talk about it,” Jake said, leading Hannah inside with one hand and shutting the cabin door with the other. The kerosene lamp burned on the desk, throwing soft shadows on her face. Jake gently ran his fingers over her lips.

  “It must be awful news then,” Hannah said, grabbing his fingers in hers. “And it won’t go away by not talking about it.”

  “I suppose not,” Jake said, allowing Hannah to pull him down on the couch.

  “So what happened?”

  Jake spoke in measured tones, tracing the evening’s events and conversations.

  “I’m afraid I didn’t do very well,” he said, staring at the lamp on the desk. “Mostly I just listened and rode along.”

  “But you’re the younger minister. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

  “I don’t know, but something just doesn’t seem right. And I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

  “But it’s wonderful news that Mary and Mr. Brunson are getting together. Don’t you think so?”

  “I guess that’s the problem. I do think so, but I don’t think we’re supposed to feel that way.”

  “Lot’s of Amish people join the Mennonites in Indiana. They do so all the time, and no one says much about it.”

  “Do you want to join them?” Jake asked, finding Hannah’s face in the semidarkness.

  “Jake, of course not. You’re an Amish minister. We can’t leave.”

  “What if I weren’t? Would you want to join then?”

  “Jake, I can’t believe you’re asking this. Is it because you want to join?”

  Jake stared into the flickering flame of the kerosene lamp.

  “Jake,” Hannah said, pulling on his arm, “surely you don’t want to join, do you?”

  “No,” Jake replied, still staring at the lamp. “I just want to get away from the trouble we’re in.” He stood and paced the floor. “Tomorrow I will have to make a decision. There can be no more riding on the fence. I’ll either have to give my full support to Bishop John or hold it back. I can’t do it halfway. The people will figure out we’re not in unity and the situation will get worse.”

  “But you can’t go against Bishop John. Not on something like this.”

  “Then what am I supposed to do, Hannah? I can’t support what he is doing. He’s only making the conflict worse, but he can’t see it—and I can’t change his mind.”

  “But if Will and Rebecca leave and Mary leaves, and nothing is done, we’re likely to lose more members. If they’re not disciplined for attending these meetings, others might attend and we’d lose even more people. That’s what Bishop John must think and, Jake, he’s probably right.”

  “Jah, but such a vote as drastic as excommunication is likely to drive a wedge between all of us, splitting the church for sure. That will be a whole lot worse than losing a few members.”

  “But you’re not the bishop, Jake. John is. This probably weighs more on him than it does on you. He doesn’t want to be responsible for losing members because he didn’t do what he could, when he could.”

  “Maybe so,” Jake said, sitting back down. “But I can’t bring myself to give my word to what Bishop John is doing tomorrow.”

  “And if you don’t support him, you know what could happen, don’t you? He could call in other bishops to discipline you.”

  “I know,” Jake said, taking Hannah’s hands in his. “And if I stick by my conscience and that should happen, will you still love me?”

  “You know I will,” Hannah said, wrapping her arms around Jake. “I will always love you.”

  Thirty-Two

  Hannah tossed in bed. It had to be a dream. The whole world was moving about. Gasping for breath, she was running in the dim moonlight with looming mountains surrounding her. Tall forms of trees raced past her like watchmen in the night. Had they found some wrong in her? Was she being judged for sins yet unknown?

 
Heart pounding, Hannah came to a halt. Running was getting her nowhere. Panic mounted in her chest. The cabin had to be somewhere close by. It was only a moment ago that Jake had fallen asleep beside her. Had she stepped outside the cabin for some reason and gotten lost?

  Dimly through the trees Hannah saw the log walls of a cabin appearing ghostly in the moonlight. Ah, the first sign of home and Jake’s comforting arms. Running again, she approached the wall and reached out for the rough texture of the logs. She leaned against them, absorbing their comforting sturdiness. Slowly Hannah moved to the corner of the cabin, searching in the darkness for the familiar front door and for signs of Jake. But would he be outside looking for her?

  But there was no front porch. This was not their cabin. Who lived here? Would they rush out at any moment and confront her? Taking a deep breath Hannah pushed away from the cabin walls, catching a glimpse of something familiar out of the corner of her eye. She had been here before, but when?

  In silence, Hannah made her way slowly to the front door. This was the cabin where Jake used to live when he worked for the Forest Service spotting fires. Did someone else live here now? Surely she would be able to explain her presence to whoever might be inside. Jake used to say lost people were helped by the men who worked in the mountains.

  Carefully Hannah approached the front door of the cabin. It stood open, the slight wind off the mountains blowing freely inside.

  “Jake!” she whispered. “Are you here?”

  Hannah peered inside. There was nothing to see, and she had no light. Was this a dream? Touching the side of the doorframe, Hannah felt the rough wood. It sure had the feel of a real log cabin.

  Perhaps if she went inside and waited Jake would find her in the morning. He would know, wouldn’t he—where she was? This had been his cabin, and somehow he would make the connection. Yet how strange this is. She shouldn’t be here, let alone be lost in the mountains. Stepping inside, Hannah paused as movement came from the shadows. Someone else was here.

  “Hello…” she whispered. “I’m lost.”

  The answer was a low growl that filled the room. With dread Hannah turned and rushed outside. She stumbled as her dress caught on something. With a cry, she fell forward, breaking her fall with her hands, feeling the slap of bushes on her face as she slid.

  A loud rumble rose from the cabin door, and Hannah rolled over to hide her face in her hands. It would be better not to look. Perhaps if she played dead the pursuing animal would leave her alone. Shuffling paws came across the ground, and Hannah peeked through her fingers. The moonlight played on the huge creature’s fur as it approached, his drooling jaw moving slightly.

  Sharp pangs ran through her body as Hannah stood to run. But her legs wouldn’t move. Pushing with all her strength and reaching with her arms toward the open air, Hannah screamed, “Jake!”

  Something grabbed her shoulder, shaking her, and she screamed again.

  “Hannah! Hannah! What’s wrong?” Jake’s voice asked. “Are you dreaming?”

  Her eyes flew open, taking in the moonlit room. “It was a bear, a grizzly! It was after me.”

  “It was a dream,” Jake said, pulling her close to him. “There is no grizzly here.”

  “It came back,” Hannah said. “It’s outside the cabin.”

  “No,” Jake said. “You were dreaming.”

  “The bobli,” Hannah whispered. “I’m going to lose the bobli again. That’s what the dream was about.”

  Jake sat up straight in bed. “Surely not! Is something happening now? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

  Hannah ran her hand across her stomach, feeling the growing roundness under her fingers. The child moved, and the pangs from the dream drifted away.

  “The bobli’s still okay,” she said. “But I’m scared Jake. I was lost in the mountains, and I found the cabin where you lived when you worked for the Forest Service. There was no one there but the grizzly, and it came after me.”

  “Come,” Jake comforted, taking Hannah in his arms. “It was a bad dream. It didn’t mean anything.”

  “What’s going to happen to us, Jake?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “But Da Hah will take care of us. Now, go back to sleep.” With that he kissed her.

  “If I can stop dreaming,” she said, moving over to her side of the bed.

  Jake sighed and touched her arm for a moment. Then came the even sound of his breathing.

  Trembling, Hannah waited. Did she dare fall asleep again? Would there be another bear or some other fear to haunt the night? Climbing out of bed slowly, she approached the cabin window. The moon, which hung low in the western sky, had gone behind the clouds. Dawn couldn’t be far away, and with it would come the Sunday morning service and the vote against Ben and Sylvia—and all that would surely follow.

  Hannah shivered. Bishop John was no bear. No doubt her mind was playing tricks, overplaying the happenings from yesterday. Jake was a gut man, and he would know how to handle Bishop John.

  Still, sleep was far away, and there was no sense tossing in bed. Jake would only be disturbed, and he needed his rest for the day ahead. Slowly Hannah tiptoed out of the bedroom into the living room. Finding the desk, she struck a match, and lit the kerosene lamp.

  The light flickered against the cabin window. Hannah carried the lamp with her and walked into the kitchen, hunger stirring at the sight of the chocolate cake on the counter. She set the lamp on the table and removed the plastic cover on the cake and admired the uncut swirl of frosting. Would Jake mind if she ate a piece? Chocolate cake wasn’t usually her thing, but the craving was strong. She ran her hand over her stomach again. It must be the bobli causing these strange longings. Perhaps Jake’s baby liked the same things he did.

  Hannah cut herself a large piece and sat down to eat. My, it was delicious. Jake would notice the missing piece in the morning, but she would explain. She needed to calm her nerves from the nightmare—and from her concern about the voting, now only hours away. What if Bishop John stood up in church and condemned Jake for his convictions?

  Wearily Hannah finished the last bite of cake, scraping frosting from the side of the plate and licking the spoon. She realized she should get back to bed. She needed to be fully rested for the stressful day ahead.

  Walking quietly Hannah returned to the bedroom. She paused to study Jake’s sleeping face. How handsome he looked. Hannah trembled suddenly at the thought. She and Jake must not become proud. Even when she gave him a son, and he grew up to sit beside Jake on the preacher’s bench on Sunday morning, they must remain humble people. Even when they had a dozen children someday, who were all grown up and still in the faith, they must not become proud. God threw proud beings out of heaven.

  Tomorrow Jake would face Bishop John and say what he felt he must say, no matter what. She would be there, trembling on the church bench, fearing the worst, but knowing she must trust that it would all turn out right. Even if Bishop John got up and spoke words of rebuke to Jake, they must bear the burden. Was that not the sign of truly humble people? Speaking back was what the devil did.

  “Jake,” she whispered as she climbed back into bed, looking over to his sleeping face. “My sweet, dear Jake. I love you so much.”

  Thirty-Three

  Hannah awoke with a start, turning quickly in bed. Jake was already up, his place beside her empty. Quickly she dressed. Jake would be hungry by now. Already the sun was up, and this Sunday morning especially Jake needed his breakfast on time.

  Half running out the bedroom door, Hannah slowed down at the sight of Jake sitting on the living room couch reading his Bible.

  “I’m sorry I overslept,” she said, trying to smile.

  “It’s not late or I would have awakened you. Do you remember your nightmare?”

  “Bears, but I’d rather forget that dream. I’ll get breakfast. It won’t be long.”

  “Jah, I could use some. I’ll harness the horse while you get breakfast.”

  “Do you have to
preach today?”

  “I don’t know. It’s my turn for the main sermon, but after Bishop John gets done chewing me out I may never get to preach again.”

  “Will it be that bad? I was hoping my fears were just in my dreams. Something that would go away once the sun came up.”

  “Da Hah will take care of us,” Jake said, smiling weakly as he put his Bible down and stood up. He opened the door and went outside.

  Hannah watched through the window as Jake walked to the barn. His shoulders had a stoop this morning. Jake was way too young for that. Not even a father yet and such burdens. It wasn’t right.

  With a sigh Hannah turned away and walked to the kitchen. On the table the chocolate cake sat with a large missing piece cut from one side. Pushing the pan to one side, Hannah started the fire in the old woodstove, taking a quick walk out to the springhouse for eggs and bacon. The air was cool with the mountains shrouded in fog. Loud bumps and bangs came from the direction of the barn.

  Hannah paused to listen. The horses must be feeling gut this morning. Jake would know enough not to feed them oats. The last thing they needed was a too fast ride to church with them all landing in a ditch from a spooked horse. The bear dream from last night had been scare enough for one day.

  Returning to the cabin, Hannah added another piece of wood to the stove and prepared breakfast. Jake came in before she was done and took his seat at the kitchen table.

  “Hey, who ate the chocolate cake?” Jake asked with a chuckle.

  “I did. The craving came over me in the middle of the night, and I couldn’t help myself.”

  “It must be the bobli. Is everything still okay?”

  “I think so. I haven’t noticed anything wrong.”

  Jake stared out of the kitchen window as Hannah finished the bacon and eggs. She set the bread and butter on the table. Wiping her hands on a towel, she sat down beside Jake. Together they bowed their heads in silent prayer. After the prayer, Jake ate slowly, seemingly lost in thought, and Hannah stayed quiet. He had enough on his mind without her chatter.