Until I Love Again Read online

  “How’s she doing otherwise?”

  “She’s coming along,” Beatrice said. “We’ve been to the dry-goods store twice. They even had a nice used sewing machine for sale—electric powered, thank goodness. I couldn’t stand to see the girl pedal through the sewing of a whole dress. Then we bought patterns at Walmart. It took a little doing on Susanna’s part, but the dresses look store-bought to me. The girl is frugal and talented. Not bad qualities to have. She won’t waste your money, if it comes to that.”

  “Come on, Mom,” Joey protested halfheartedly. “What are you getting at?”

  “I’m your mother.” Beatrice patted his arm. “I know what’s going on in that mind of yours. But I also know Susanna needs to live somewhere else if you want to win her heart. Something about her upbringing doesn’t allow for…romance happening if you live under the same roof.”

  Joey grinned. “I’m a step ahead of you. I stopped in at Osseo’s Bed-and-Breakfast today, and Rosalyn is willing to meet Susanna. Rosalyn could use help around the place in exchange for the rent. She likes the fact that Susanna has an Amish background. And I sang Susanna’s praises pretty loudly.”

  Beatrice chuckled. “I imagine you did. And just so you know, your dad and I both approve of Susanna for you. We never dreamed you’d find an Amish girl to marry!”

  “We’re not married yet,” Joey whispered as the music stopped. “I have a long way to go in that department.” He moved away from his mother to call to Susanna, “Keep playing. That’s beautiful.”

  Susanna’s face was flushed when Joey peeked at her around the corner. “You shouldn’t have been listening,” she said. “I thought only your mother was here.”

  “I just got here.” He sat down beside her on the piano bench. “I have good news. I think I’ve found a place for you to stay.”

  “You have?” Susanna’s face lit up. “Where?”

  “I’ll tell you all about it at supper. How’s that?”

  Susanna bounced to her feet to exclaim, “Supper! Oh! I almost forgot. I made potatoes and gravy tonight, and canned beans from the Amish stand down the road. They’re ready on the stove whenever you want to eat.”

  Beatrice glanced at Joey and shrugged. “I told her she didn’t have to, but old habits die hard, I guess.”

  “I have to help out somewhere!” Susanna declared. “And I don’t know much besides cooking and sewing, so that’s what I do.” She left the two of them and hurried toward the kitchen.

  “She’s something,” Beatrice said when Susanna was gone.

  “Should I go with her into the kitchen and offer to help?” Joey asked. “I’m not sure how to act.”

  Beatrice shook her head. “Not so much to help. Just be there, but also give her some space. She’s like a wounded animal.”

  “Yeah, and I’ve never cared for a wounded animal. I’m not sure how to behave.”

  Beatrice glanced toward the kitchen and the sounds of rattling dishes. “If you can figure out how an Amish man would act, that might be a good start.”

  Joey shrugged. “Exactly how does an Amish man act? I don’t have a beard, and I’m not going to sit in the living room and wait until the woman has supper ready.”

  Beatrice laughed. “Just be yourself then.”

  “That’s sounds better,” Joey said as he turned to head for the kitchen.

  “It’s almost ready,” Susanna told him.

  “Can I help?” Joey asked.

  “Usually the men don’t help in the kitchen. That’s in the Amish world. Most of them only know how to wash dishes.”

  “Then I’ll be Amish.” Joey sat in one of the kitchen chairs. “I cooked a carrot cake once when I was younger, but that was with a cake mix.”

  “That’s not exactly fair, you know.” Susanna lifted a lid on a steaming pot and peered inside. “You should try it from scratch sometime.”

  “I suppose I should,” Joey allowed. “But enough on my faults for one day. That’s a nicely made dress you have on. You made it?”

  Susanna blushed and looked away. “I tried my best, but I’ll get better before long—until I can afford something better.”

  “Looks good enough to be store-bought to me,” Joey said.

  Susanna didn’t look convinced and raised her eyebrows at him. “No, it’s not that good. Homemade is still homemade.”

  Joey let it go. “So do you want to hear about your possible new home…for now?”

  “Yah, while you set the table.”

  Joey grinned. “That I know how to do.” He got up and busied himself with knives and forks. “There’s a job and a place to stay at a bed-and-breakfast. The owner, Rosalyn Osseo, will give you your own room and a small salary in exchange for cleaning and helping out in the kitchen. I told her we’d drop by after supper if you’re interested.”

  “Yah, I’ll go. I’m a little nervous and don’t know how to handle myself, but I trust your judgment. If you can assure me this Rosalyn isn’t taking me in because she feels sorry for me, then it’s okay.”

  “She’s not!” Joey said. “Rosalyn’s a kindhearted soul, and our family has known her for years. But she doesn’t tolerate people who are…” Joey stopped and searched for the right word. He didn’t want to offend Susanna, and she didn’t fit the description anyway.

  Susanna finished for him. “Moochers?”

  Joey grinned as he set two plate settings. “Something like that.”

  Susanna appeared satisfied, but her face clouded when she looked at the two plates. “Aren’t your mother and father eating with us tonight?”

  “We’ll eat later, Susanna,” Beatrice called from the living room. “Langford doesn’t come home until late, and I’ll warm things up for him.”

  “Okay,” Susanna said. “I’m just not used to the family eating in shifts. We always ate together, even if it meant postponing the meal for an hour or two if something came up.” She served up dinner and brought it to the table.

  As soon as she sat down, Joey asked, “How are you doing, Susanna? I mean, really. Are you okay?”

  Susanna forced a laugh. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Sometimes I find myself thinking about home and wonder what everyone is doing. Mealtimes are the worst.”

  Joey reached for her hand. “Shall I take you there for a visit tonight, instead of to see the Osseos? That can wait.”

  Susanna shook her head. “I’m not ready for a visit home yet. Maybe soon, but not tonight. I’ve seen a few of the community people at the shops your mamm took me to. They’ll let Daett or one of my family know I’m doing okay.”

  “How did that go?” Joey asked. “I mean seeing your old friends.”

  Susanna shrugged. “It was okay. We talked about where I was staying and what I was buying. They didn’t say much about my family, but I know it must be hard. At least I left the community before anyone had to get punished for my departure.” Susanna gave a little laugh. “And I wouldn’t have wanted the bann placed on me, either. With that infliction I couldn’t purchase anything at the Amish stores or ever go home with any degree of comfort. That would have happened if I had been baptized.”

  “I see,” Joey allowed. He wasn’t sure what all that meant, but he was interested. “How do you feel about going back? Has that crossed your mind this week?”

  “Yah.” Susanna hung her head. “But it can’t be, and that’s that. Can we pray now before the food gets cold?”

  “Pray, yes.” Joey pulled himself upright. “I hope you don’t expect a long prayer in German, though.”

  Susanna’s laugh was soft, and she pressed her hand in his. “Silence is fine, but we must pray.”

  Joey closed his eyes. He’d better brush up on his religion if he wanted to live with a serious, dedicated, ex-Amish girl. He certainly didn’t want to change her. “Amen,” he said, having figured the silence had lingered long enough.

  Susanna’s eyes sparkled when she looked up. “That ‘amen’ sounded almost like a preacher’s.”

&nb
sp; Joey laughed along with her. “I hope you’re teasing, because I’ll never be a minister.”

  Susanna’s face sobered. “I like you just the way you are, Joey—”

  Joey silenced her with a shake of his head. “We’d better eat, remember?” He looked down at his plate. “Wow. Does this taste as good as it looks?”

  “I hope so,” Susanna ventured. “I did my cooking on a woodstove at home, but yours is electric.”

  Joey took a bite and said, “It’s excellent!”

  Susanna beamed and began eating too. They took their time and ate in a comfortable silence. The few girls Joey had dated always chattered nonstop while he was with them. He liked this better. Lots better.

  When their plates were empty, Joey stood to take Susanna’s hand. “Let’s go. I want you to meet Rosalyn.”

  “But the cleanup!” Susanna protested.

  “Remember,” he said, “that will be my job…when we get back.”

  The two walked out to Joey’s car and got in. As he headed the car toward the bed-and-breakfast in nearby Canton, he said, “You’ll like Rosalyn right off the bat, I’m sure. Like I said, she’s been a family friend for many years now, and—”

  “I wonder if she knew my mother?” Susanna asked, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. “My real mother.”

  Joey wasn’t sure what to say. His mother had spoken correctly about Susanna’s state of mind. There were things that needed time to heal in her life, but he was willing to walk with Susanna on the journey.

  Joey let his mind wander as he drove through Canton on Highway 11 and turned south on Route 68. He could imagine how Susanna would bloom over the next few months, and even more in a few years. She had always been a carefree girl, but now the seriousness of womanhood—and the sorrow she had suffered—would change that. But Susanna would be a better person for all of this, and certainly better off here than being married to that Ernest fellow in the closed community.

  Joey pressed his teeth together at the thought and slowed the car. “This is it.” The driveway ran downhill from the road and was lined on either side by small trees. Susanna drew a sharp breath when he pulled in and stopped beside the garage. Behind one of the small cottages, the waters of a small pond glistened in the last light of the evening. “Beautiful and peaceful, isn’t it?” Joey asked.

  Susanna nodded, but she seemed tongue-tied at the moment. Rosalyn had appeared through the garage door, and Joey climbed out to greet her.

  Rosalyn came forward and offered her hand as Susanna climbed out of the car. “Welcome, Susanna. I’m glad to meet you after all the good things Joey has told me about you.”

  “Oh, he shouldn’t have.” Susanna colored slightly. “Joey says too much sometimes.”

  “I’m sure all of it was true.” Rosalyn took in Susanna’s dress. “Did you make that yourself?”

  Susanna’s color deepened. “I’m sorry, is it that obvious?”

  Rosalyn laughed. “Not at all. It’s just that Joey said you were sewing your own clothes. I was just curious. In all honesty I couldn’t have seen the difference in this dress from what I buy off the racks. A little more decent perhaps, and well made.”

  Susanna turned to give Joey a glare. “You do say too much.”

  Rosalyn laughed again and took Susanna by the arm. “Come, dear. I think we’ll be getting along perfectly, you and I. Anyone who can handle Joey Macalister has made it in my book.”

  “Hey,” Joey protested, but neither of them was listening to him. They had already disappeared into the garage. “Now, what have I started?” Joey asked the open sky before he followed the two women inside.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  By early the following week, Susanna had settled into her room and her duties at Rosalyn’s bed-and-breakfast.

  On Tuesday morning she was changing the bed in the room where a young couple, Rupert and Joanna, had stayed for a long weekend. They had left right after the second breakfast Rosalyn served at nine o’clock. They had arrived on Saturday morning and had strolled around the spacious grounds all weekend, hand in hand and obviously very much in love.

  “We’re getting away from all the big city fuss,” Rupert had explained when Susanna had checked on them Saturday afternoon.

  Already Rosalyn had complimented Susanna on her work. Susanna needed the encouragement, but in many ways the duties at the Osseos’ place weren’t much different from what they had been at home. She kept house, made meals, washed laundry…The only differences were the Englisha people all around her and the modern conveniences. Each cottage had Internet service and its own television.

  “Everyone asks for Internet service,” Rosalyn had told her. “Even the ones who are here to get away for the weekend. I’m sure that’s something you didn’t have to deal with at home.”

  Susanna nodded, unable to answer at the moment. The thought of home brought a brief pang. But Rosalyn seemed to understand. She slipped her hand around Susanna’s shoulder for a quick hug—a gesture Rosalyn had given her several times already. Rosalyn was, in fact, becoming like a second mamm to her.

  All weekend there had been no sign of Joey. Rosalyn was either to blame or be thanked—Susanna wasn’t quite sure which. She had heard Rosalyn tell Joey as he dropped her off Friday night, “Let her have some peace and quiet this weekend. Leave her to herself as she settles in.”

  Joey had been right about Rosalyn and this job. The Osseos’ place was exactly what she needed, so why should he be banished for the weekend? But Rosalyn was also right. Susanna needed time alone. Already she had bonded deeply with the older woman. Rosalyn was someone she could trust.

  Although she had missed Joey, Susanna had been glad for the quiet as she learned to do her job. But surely Joey would return soon, or she could travel to see him at his home.

  Susanna exited the cottage with a garbage bag of laundry in one hand. She closed the door carefully behind her with the other. A cardinal flew into the small tree in front of her and burst into song. The bird’s bright red colors glowed among the green bristles of the evergreen.

  Susanna paused to listen, and as the song continued, she lowered the bag of laundry onto the deck boards. How beautiful was the music the Lord gave birds to sing. They were such unassuming creatures, untouched by the sorrow of the world. No wonder the Lord had given them an angel’s song, for this must be how the angels sang—so full of joy and with utter abandonment. She imagined the little fellow knew she was listening, and he sang not out of pride but for her enjoyment. The Lord must have sent him to touch her heart and give her courage for the journey ahead. She sighed and hoisted the laundry bag again, and the bird stopped his song and tilted his head. He stared at her for a moment before he flew away, vanishing into the limbs of the taller trees.

  “Thanks for that concert,” Susanna called after him. “And thank You, Lord,” she prayed toward the heavens as she made her way to the laundry room.

  Rosalyn met her there. “I thought I heard you talking to someone.”

  Susanna grinned sheepishly and said, “It was a bird.”

  “A bird?” Rosalyn raised her eyebrows.

  “He was sent by God to sing for me,” Susanna managed as she lowered the laundry bag. She felt a tear form and run down her cheek.

  Rosalyn wrapped Susanna in her arms. “You know what you need?”

  “What?” Susanna asked with a sniff.

  “We have no guests scheduled for tonight. The laundry can wait. I’m going to take you home to visit your parents.”

  “Today?” Susanna asked, her heart speeding up.

  “Yes, today. Now, in fact. No ifs, ands, or buts about it!” Rosalyn declared. She led the way back into the house and motioned for Susanna to wait while she changed.

  “I must change too!” Susanna called out to Rosalyn. She didn’t wait for an answer but rushed to her room where she quickly pulled on the Amish dress she had worn the day she left. Oh, to see Daett again! Was it going to happen so soon? She knew the day would come�
��but already? How would Daett respond? He would still love her in his heart, and he would speak with her—that much was allowed. She finished with the last pin and hurried out again.

  “Ready?” Rosalyn asked. “I mean, emotionally ready? I don’t want to force you into anything.”

  Susanna’s voice choked. “I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “Then come.” Rosalyn took her hand. “Let’s hit the road. Besides, I want to speak to your father.”

  Susanna stopped short. “But you can’t speak harsh words with him. He’s not to blame for anything. I was the one who couldn’t live the life he wanted me to live.”

  Rosalyn pressed her lips together and opened the car door. “Get in, dear. Don’t worry. I’m not going to chew him out…even though I think he’s been most unfair to you. I just have some questions for him.”

  Susanna climbed in and leaned back in the seat. It was useless to argue with Rosalyn. She had already learned that in the short time she had been here. Rosalyn could be as stubborn as an Amish bishop, and a smile crept across Susanna’s face at the imagined comparison.

  “Now you’re smiling,” Rosalyn commented when she checked for traffic on Route 68. “That’s better!”

  “Yah. It’s better than crying,” Susanna agreed.

  Her thoughts turned next to Ernest. He now seemed far away and distant, as if he and she had never sat together on the porch swing. A shudder ran through Susanna, and she gazed out the window in search of better thoughts.

  Once they were out of town, Rosalyn reached over to squeeze Susanna’s hand. “You need to get past who’s to blame. That’s the only way to truly move on. You need to heal and accept your past. You had a very decent upbringing, I’m sure. Be thankful for that. Also, you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t feel guilty over leaving. You were right to leave instead of letting them force you into marrying a man you don’t love.”

  Susanna tried to smile. “Well, it wasn’t quite like that. I did have a choice, but with my past the choices were to marry Ernest or to stay single for the rest of my life. No other man in the community would have married me. And I suppose all the more so now. Leaving just proved to everyone that I have wild Englisha blood in me.”