A Heart Once Broken Page 5

  Sandra could barely get the words out. “Lydia…would you please…let me have a chance at Ezra by myself? Sort of step aside and let me see if I can win him?”

  Lydia couldn’t hide her astonishment. “You want me to give up my hopes for Ezra?”

  Sandra’s eyes pled. “I’ve been hoping he’d choose me…but I know you have a chance too. I know I’ve never asked for something like this in our relationship. We’ve always assumed our competition would run its course and there would be a clear winner. But we’re grown now, Lydia. My daett just died. We have to make adult decisions.”

  Lydia tried to breathe evenly. “But you know I want Ezra as much as you do.”

  “Then unless Ezra decides soon, we’ll just go around in circles for another ten years,” Sandra said. “We’re too closely matched this time. Poor Ezra will have his neck in a corkscrew before long.”

  Lydia laughed in spite of herself. Sandra’s description fit to a tee.

  “Please?” Sandra pled again.

  Lydia took a long breath before she spoke. “But if I ignore Ezra and you don’t, that may backfire. You know how men act when they’re ignored. Ezra might respond in a way we hadn’t planned. You might lose him to me for sure.”

  Sandra didn’t hesitate. “I know that, and I’m willing to take the chance. I’m that desperate.”

  Lydia looked into Sandra’s face. Finally, she spoke. “Okay. It’s a deal.” She reached over to give Sandra a quick hug. “And our friendship remains intact regardless of how things turn out.”

  Sandra appeared worried. “You won’t feel too badly if I win? Ezra’s the best catch in the whole community.”

  “Oh, I’ll cry my eyes out,” Lydia admitted. “But one of us has to lose. Perhaps this is for the best.”

  “You’re so kind,” Sandra said with tears in her eyes. “I never thought I’d find myself in such a low state. But the thought of living under the same roof as Clyde and having him eye me as a potential frau gives me shivers all the way down to my toes.”

  The two girls got up and walked toward the buggy together. Lydia untied Dixie and held the bridle while Sandra climbed in. With a quick wave, Sandra was off down the lane. Lydia watched the buggy until it was a tiny dot in the distance.

  So she had given up Ezra for goot. The thought pained her. Should she have agreed to this? But in a way the issue wasn’t over at all, and Sandra understood that. Ezra might be driven straight into Lydia’s arms.

  Chapter Seven

  Lydia ironed the last crease again, before she held up the dark green dress. The effort would have to do. The hour was late and Mamm would soon object if she continued to fuss over the dress she planned to wear tomorrow at the service. The effort was useless anyway, but old habits to impress die hard.

  Sandra had made goot progress with Ezra at the youth gathering this past week, while Lydia had stayed in the background. Ezra hadn’t seemed to notice, which hurt more than she wished. How could she simply turn off her affections for a person? Or was the pain from the lack of competition with Sandra? She had never before stood by while Sandra surged on ahead. The thought of allowing her cousin to pursue Ezra alone had seemed grand and noble last week, but something felt terribly wrong now. Lydia took several deep breaths and calmed herself. This would turn out okay—somehow. Even if Sandra succeeded.

  Lydia would need to prepare herself to see Sandra and Ezra saying their wedding vows. The sight would be easier if Sandra won fair and square, but she must not think such thoughts now. The truth was, Lydia hoped Ezra would pick up on what the girls were up to, and things would go back to what they had always been.

  Lydia flinched when Mamm appeared in the kitchen doorway. She quickly hung the dress on a hanger, but Mamm still scolded, “It’s indecent to spend so much time on dresses, Lydia—especially now that the Lord has laid us so low. We should act like the poverty-stricken people we are. The church is helping us with living expenses. Showing up with fancy dresses at the services isn’t fitting.”

  “But this is a year-old dress,” Lydia protested.

  Mamm didn’t back down. “Yah, but you can make things look new by fussing with them.”

  “Yah, Mamm.” Lydia sighed. “I’ll try to do better.”

  “When did the girls leave?” Mamm asked, looking around.

  “Right after supper.”

  Mamm settled in her rocker. “I can’t keep track of my own dishes these days, let alone my children. I declare there is another large stainless steel bowl around somewhere, but I’ve looked all over the basement. I wonder if I left it at the last potluck?”

  “It’s above the shelf near the washer,” Lydia said.

  “Okay,” Mamm responded, but she seemed to have lost interest already. “So what do you think about your sisters and their outings? Do you think they’re okay?”

  “Not really,” Lydia replied, but they had been over this ground before.

  “Rumspringa time,” Mamm mused, gazing out the living room window. “It’s getting more dangerous all the time with the way the world is going. I wish we didn’t have to deal with it.” Mamm attempted a smile.

  “I’m taking the dress upstairs,” Lydia said as she left. She took the stairs slowly, a step at a time. The image of Mamm’s forlorn figure in her rocker was still with her when Lydia entered her bedroom. She opened the closet door and hung the dress inside. Maybe she should dress in sackcloth and ashes tomorrow? Lydia grimaced. She wasn’t so low that she would resort to those measures for attention, and she couldn’t anyway. Mamm and Daett wouldn’t allow her to leave the house in such an outfit. That would be a truly poverty-stricken state. And there was still much to be thankful for even in their present condition. The help from the community was at least there—humiliating though it was.

  Lydia paused to listen before she walked over to the bedroom window. A car had pulled in the lane and was stopping near the front sidewalk. The back doors opened, and Emma and Rhoda spilled out. They stood with their arms aflutter, motioning in all directions at once. Several Englisha youth were still inside the car and seemed hesitant to come out. As she looked on, Lydia steadied herself with one hand. What were her sisters up to now? She already knew they hung out with Englisha boys, but why bring them here?

  Lydia turned away from the window to hurry downstairs. Mamm was already on her feet, and her face was pale. “Get Daett, he’s in the barn,” Mamm ordered.

  “I’m not going past those people, whoever they are,” Lydia protested.

  Mamm clasped and unclasped her hands. “Then what are we to do?”

  “We have to act normal.” Lydia gathered her emotions. She would be strong even if Mamm wasn’t.

  “Why would Emma and Rhoda do such a thing?” Mamm’s voice trembled. “Bringing their Englisha friends to our house.”

  Lydia ignored the question. “We have to speak with them at least, don’t you think?”

  Mamm must have agreed because she followed Lydia to the front door and the two stepped outside together. Beside the car Emma and Rhoda were still chattering away. Their Englisha friends had climbed out by now, but they hadn’t moved any farther. Clearly Emma and Rhoda had initiated this event—whatever it was supposed to be.

  Perhaps they’re offering a tour of a backward Amish farm? Lydia suppressed the bitter thought. She called across the lawn, “Hello!”

  At least Emma and Rhoda had the decency to appear a little embarrassed as they ushered their friends forward.

  Emma made the introductions. “This is Mamm and my sister Lydia. And this is Benny Coon and his sister Avery. And Jimmy Emerson and his sister Julie. They wanted to see where we live.”

  So this was the Amish farm tour.

  Mamm found her voice. “Well, come inside. We don’t have much to eat on a Saturday evening, but I can mix up some orange juice.”

  “Mamm, you shouldn’t,” Rhoda said, but the effort was halfhearted. Clearly her sister wanted these people to feel right at home.

  Mamm was in
charge, Lydia told herself, and she couldn’t ask these people to leave. She would have to pretend all was well until she could give her sisters a goot chewing out for this stunt. The nerve of the two. They weren’t content to cause a scandal in the community, so now they had to bring disgrace right onto her parents’ impoverished farm. How would she live this down?

  Mamm led the way to the house and held open the front door while her sisters ushered their friends inside. Lydia stayed where she was, as if rooted to the ground. Emma and Rhoda wouldn’t be content until they had given these Englisha people the tour of the whole house. That would include her bedroom, which was a mess at the moment. She couldn’t stop them without a scene, but Daett could. Lydia unfastened herself and hurried toward the barn to find Daett seated on a hay bale with his head in his hands.

  “Daett!” Lydia called out. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

  Daett groaned. “I saw them come in.”

  At least his voice sounded normal, so he must not be ill, Lydia told herself.

  “Can’t you stop them?” she asked. “Please?”

  Daett looked up with a great weariness on his face. “I’m a ruined man, Lydia. I’m sorry you have to see me in this state, but I agree with your mamm. If we get strict with Emma and Rhoda, we may only drive them away from the faith. And you know I’ve already given them plenty of cause for offense with my horrible financial mess.”

  “But Daett…” Lydia began to protest but stopped. Daett wasn’t going to back down and neither would Mamm. They were paralyzed with fear.

  Lydia tried another angle. “What about the community? Deacon Schrock will have something to say about this.”

  Daett sighed. “I know this is a difficult time for you, Lydia, but we have to think of what’s best for Emma and Rhoda. You and the rest of the children have turned out okay, but we still have the two younger girls to get through their rumspringa time.”

  I’m not doing so well myself, Lydia almost said, but Daett wasn’t worried about her. He feared the fancy Englisha world her sisters had brought into the house, even as he tried to keep it out.

  Lydia retreated and closed the barn door behind her. She expected Daett would call after her with some last-minute advice, but he didn’t. She knew he must be very low-spirited to say nothing more to her. He also must be quite worried about Emma and Rhoda. She shared that concern, even as she had different ideas on what should be done. But she was not the head of this household, and that was that.

  Lydia tried to sneak in through the washroom door, but Mamm called to her from the living room. “Lydia, come here. These people have some questions for you.”

  Mamm didn’t sound too downcast. Had her sisters’ Englisha friends already charmed Mamm?

  “What questions?” Lydia asked before she entered the living room. It seemed easier that way. Smiling faces greeted her when she appeared. Mamm had everyone seated with glasses of orange juice in their hands.

  “We’d like to show them the upstairs,” Emma gushed. “Can we show your room? Or better yet, why don’t you come with us?”

  Lydia tried to smile. Since when did Emma ask permission? Her younger sisters went freely in and out of her room whenever they wished. There was more to this request than met the eye.

  “Please,” Emma begged. “It would mean so much to me.”

  Lydia gave in. “Okay, if you give me just a moment to straighten things up. But I’m afraid there’s not much to see.”

  “I’m sure it’s perfect,” Emma said with an evil grin.

  “That’s what’s so amazing,” one of the Englisha girls said. “Your homes are so simple and yet so refreshing to the eye. I never imagined it would be that way.”

  Lydia forced a smile as she led the way upstairs. “Emma and Rhoda can show you theirs first,” she said at the top of the stairs.

  “Contraband to hide,” one of the boys teased.

  Lydia winced. “Just a little messy.” She might as well speak the truth. At least her sisters’ room was clean on a Saturday night so they wouldn’t be embarrassed. But her sisters already knew that. Surely they weren’t trying to embarrass her on purpose? Her sisters wanted her up here for some other reason.

  When the door opened into Emma and Rhoda’s bedroom, Lydia dashed into her own and quickly tucked the quilt into its proper place. She fluffed the pillow and pushed the drapes back farther so that light flooded the room.

  Moments later, Emma called from the hallway. “We’re ready. Can we come in?”

  Lydia pasted a smile on her face as the door opened. The two boys hung back, but Avery and Julie examined every nook and cranny, even the closet.

  “Can I try on one of the dresses?” Julie cooed. “I think this is just my size. Oh, for a picture of me in that dark green one, Avery. Wouldn’t I look just darling?”

  “Can we?” Avery was a little more timid.

  Emma and Rhoda answered together before Lydia could open her mouth. “Of course you can…so out, boys.”

  “I’m getting out of here too,” Lydia told them. No one objected.

  Lydia stepped out into the hallway with the two boys. Now what was she supposed to do? She was alone with two strange Englisha boys. She should have stayed with the girls. Already their giggles filled the bedroom behind her. Lydia steeled herself and didn’t move.

  The boy who had been introduced as Benny cleared his throat. “Sorry for the intrusion, Lydia.”

  Jimmy added his own apology. “Julie has always been impulsive like this.”

  “We just kind of tagged along for the evening,” Benny continued. “It’s a brotherly thing.”

  That wasn’t quite true, Lydia figured, but she wasn’t going to argue about it.

  Jimmy appraised Lydia for a moment. “Can I take a picture?”

  “No!” The denial burst out in a gasp. They both appeared puzzled, and Lydia rushed to explain. “I’m sorry. We never take pictures of ourselves. It’s awful prideful, and…” She wasn’t about to say the rest of the explanation. She knew any picture taken would get around once it landed in Englisha hands, and it was hard to tell how many people would end up seeing the photo.

  “Prideful?” Benny was still puzzled. “You’re a beauty, if I must say so. There’s nothing prideful about what God has given.”

  Deep color rushed into Lydia’s face at this plain talk, and she moved into the darker shadows of the hallway.

  “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you,” Benny hastened to say. “But I wasn’t teasing.”

  “We don’t take picture of ourselves,” Lydia said again, as if that settled the matter.

  Silence in the hallway was broken by the giggles coming from Lydia’s bedroom. She was ready to bolt down the stairs when the bedroom door burst open to reveal both Englisha girls attired in Amish dresses.

  Benny and Jimmy lifted their phones and bright flashes filled the hallway. Emma and Rhoda placed their arms around Avery and Julie to be included in the picture without the least bit of shame. Lydia moved farther back and after a moment fled downstairs.

  “What’s wrong?” Mamm asked, when Lydia appeared in the doorway.

  “They’re taking pictures of the girls,” Lydia managed before collapsing on the couch. “Right in our house.”

  Mamm whispered a quiet prayer. “Lord, please help us through this difficult time.” She should do more than pray, Lydia told herself, but she was too upset. Her sisters had little sense left, it seemed. And yet she couldn’t do anything about this, and Mamm and Daett chose not to. How had things come to this sad state of affairs?

  Chapter Eight

  The following Saturday evening Sandra placed the last platter of food on the table. She couldn’t postpone the moment any longer. Tonight, Clyde and his daett, Amos, had come for supper. At least she had a few more seconds to compose herself before she called everyone into the kitchen. Mamm was in the living room with Amos, their voices rising and falling quietly. Clyde was out in the barn with Mark, where he had gone when the two had
arrived an hour ago. Why Mamm had invited Clyde to come along when his daett visited tonight was understandable, but that didn’t mean she could tolerate the situation any better.

  “We must include Clyde as family if I plan to marry Amos,” Mamm had told her. But Sandra knew Mamm had a deeper reason to include Clyde. Mamm hoped to spark a romantic interest between them. From Mamm’s point of view, such a match made sense. She also no longer expected that her daughter could win Ezra’s hand in marriage.

  “You’ll never succeed now with Ezra,” Mamm had said this evening, just before Amos had arrived.

  What now meant, they both knew. But Mamm was wrong. She had to be, just as Mamm was wrong about her relationship with Amos. But Sandra couldn’t do anything about that, either. Mamm hadn’t enjoyed her first dates with Amos. That much was obvious from her pained expression afterward. Yet Mamm hadn’t denied Amos further visits. And she wouldn’t. That was just the way things were. Mamm was committed. The least Sandra could do was tolerate Clyde’s presence for a few hours if that pleased Mamm. After all, if Mamm married Amos, they would have to live in the same house, so she might as well practice.

  The idea of Mamm’s marriage to Amos still chilled her. But Daett’s death had changed life dramatically for them, so she couldn’t blame Mamm. Daett couldn’t be brought back.

  Now if only Ezra would hurry and make up his mind, things might turn out great. But Ezra seemed the same as always. Why the man was so thickheaded was beyond her. She was a perfect match for him and was ready to marry this fall—if only Ezra would come to his senses in time. She would have to double her efforts tomorrow at the service and also at the evening hymn singing. She had to maintain a positive attitude or she’d lose all hope. Once married to Ezra, she’d have to find some way to repay Lydia for stepping back. How, she wasn’t sure, but maybe she could help Lydia capture the attentions of some other handsome young man. They weren’t that plentiful in the community, but she would do what she could. In the meantime, Lydia understood her cousin’s situation.