Miriam's Secret Page 11

  “There are the seven sisters.” Jonas’s free hand pointed skyward.

  She followed the direction he traced and settled her gaze on the star cluster. All she could see though was the outline of his arm visible against the heavens. Jonas was more beautiful, she thought, than the twinkle of a thousand stars. Those she’d seen all her life on the farm. The trace of his arm she’d never seen under the light of the stars. Oh, what if he read her mind? She whispered quickly, “The stars are nice, really nice.”

  “Do you study the stars?” His voice was tender.

  “Not really. I just look at them. They make me feel lonesome most of the time.”

  “Stars are kind of lonesome. They look clustered together, but even the seven sisters are light-years apart.”

  “Not unlike us.” The words slipped out, and she tensed. Why had she said something so foolish? Then she felt him squeeze her hand and figured he was smiling. She relaxed.

  His hand let go and slipped around her shoulder. “Yes, you’re right. So near and yet so far.”

  “I know.” She tried to breathe evenly as she leaned her head against him.

  His free hand swept lower across the horizon now. “Those are all Amish farms. You can tell by the dim lighting.”

  “Yah.” Shirley took a deep breath. “They are my people, the place where I come from.”

  “Do you like being Amish?” The question came gently.

  “I think so.” Shirley stared at the star-filled heavens. “It’s what I am. How do you be something else…something you’re not?”

  He shrugged. “You leave, I suppose. My parents did.”

  She said nothing for a moment. “I’ve always thought I’d stay in the faith. Daett and Mamm are…” She let the thought drift off.

  His hand moved on her shoulder. “I’m glad you’re with me tonight, Shirley, even if our stars are far apart. It means a lot to me.”

  “Oh, Jonas!” A sigh escaped her lips. “This is precious to me too. You’ll never know…” He said nothing, so she kept her gaze on the lights across the field. They seemed more appropriate to look at than the stars above. She’d been right the first time. Their worlds were very far apart.

  “Do you think we’d find each other as interesting if we lived in the same world?” Jonas asked.

  Her voice was faint. “I don’t know, Jonas. I don’t think either of us can be what we’re not. Not me, not you.”

  “Right. How can we be something we’re not?” he echoed. “That’s what I like about you, Shirley. You answer deep with deep.”

  “Oh, I’m not deep at all.” Shirley sat straight up on the car seat. “I’m shallow as shallow can be.”

  He chuckled. “You underestimate yourself.”

  “No.” Her voice was firm. “You think too much of me. Now, the same isn’t true the other way around. Don’t deny it.”

  He didn’t say anything for a moment. “I like you, Shirley. That much I won’t deny. And you seem to trust me.”

  “Of course I do!”

  “That’s a good foundation to build on. Don’t you agree?”

  But what is there to build? Shirley bit back the words. This conversation had become a little too deep. They were both young and getting in way over their heads. It was enough that they enjoyed each other’s company. Anything more than that would have to take care of itself in its own good time.

  Jonas nodded as if he understood. His hand found hers again. “Shall we go for a walk? Work off some of that supper?”

  She laughed, but her voice was a bit tense. “Fine with me!”

  “Come then.” Jonas stepped out of the car and walked around to open her door. He led her across the pasture taking slow steps. The moon peeked over the horizon, and they both paused to admire it.

  “You can almost see it inching up.” Shirley’s tone was hushed. “I’ve watched it do the same from our upstairs bedroom window.”

  “So you’re a moon-gazer?”

  Shirley shrugged. “I suppose most country girls are. It speaks to the soul.”

  “I like that about you, country girl.” His hand pulled on hers.

  She hesitated. “You hardly know me. I mean really know me. I’m not that special. I’m so ordinary.”

  He bent close. “Not to me. Maybe I need to get to know you better?”

  Shirley smiled. “That’s a pleasant thought. But then maybe it isn’t. You might not like what you see.”

  He gazed at the moon. “I’ll like what I see, so don’t you worry about that.”

  Shirley wondered if she should dare say what she really felt right now. She took a quick glance at his face. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Jonas. Other than the Lord, of course. Look at the joy my heart is full of! And I have you to thank.”

  His chuckle was low. “You do say the sweetest things, Shirley.”

  She lowered her head.

  He reached out and traced her cheek with his finger. “You should let more of your heart show, Shirley. It’s beautiful.”

  She would soon collapse right into his arms if he didn’t stop this, Shirley thought. But at the same time she didn’t want him to stop. She wanted to hear things like this forever.

  His finger moved on her cheek again. “Maybe we should get back. Your parents will be worried.”

  A protest rose inside her, but Shirley kept silent. What Jonas said was true, and this night had to end, whether she wished it would or not.

  He seemed to understand her silence. He led the way back to the car without a word.

  She kept his hand in hers. She pulled Jonas to a stop for one last look across the open fields.

  “We’re right outside of Apple Creek.” He spoke as if this were vital information she needed to know. “The lights of town are just over the next hill.”

  “Have you come here before?” Visions of others girls who had clutched his hand not wishing to go home cluttered Shirley’s head.

  “Alone. Sometimes. This is my uncle’s land.”

  “It’s so beautiful.”

  “Maybe we can come back again…sometime.” His fingers tightened in hers.

  “Oh, Jonas, I would love that!” Shirley paused. “But you know how it is, and…how…how we are.” Her voice trailed off.

  His hands rested lightly on her shoulders. “Yes, I know. And I understand that we may only have this moment.” His fingers touched her face again.

  Shirley gave in and stepped in closer. She wanted this tonight. His kiss. Never before had a man kissed her, and she wanted kisses from Jonas forever and ever. If Jonas never kissed her again, this one would be all she’d need to get through an entire lifetime. She wanted his strong arms wrapped around her. Would he think her too forward?

  He pulled her close for a second and then stepped back. He reached up and touched her cheek gently. “We really should get back, Shirley.”

  Come! she wanted to shout. Kiss me! I’ll never ask for another thing again. But she didn’t. Couldn’t he sense the welcome pouring from her heart?

  “We shouldn’t, Shirley.” His fingers lingered near her lips.

  Shirley felt no shame in wanting his kiss.

  “You are too sweet, Shirley. I shouldn’t kiss you.” His voice was tender.

  “Yah, Jonas, kiss me,” she whispered. “You know we won’t see each other much longer.” How she knew that, she had no idea. She just did. Their time together was limited. Tonight she’d seen the truth in the stars. They were worlds apart even though they lived so close.

  His face was resolute as starlight played on it. He turned toward the convertible. He paused and then went back.

  Shirley saw the struggle on his face. She waited.

  He turned even more and his hands touched both of her shoulders lightly.

  She took one last breath before she tasted his lips. They were sweeter than she’d imagined possible, the sensation deeper than the stars in the heavens and much closer than the dim lights of the Amish homesteads. She drank in Jonas
’s essence until he pulled away.

  His voice trembled. “We’re way too young for this, Shirley.”

  “It is right for this moment, Jonas.” Her voice was firm. “I will always remember you and this evening…this time under the stars. Even when you have long forgotten me, I’ll remember this.” He didn’t answer as she clutched his arm.

  Together they turned and walked to the car. Only at the last moment did she let go to enter the car door he’d opened for her. He shut the door and walked to the driver’s side. He got in, started the engine, and backed the convertible out of the pasture.

  They remained silent all the way back to Possum Valley.

  Shirley stayed on her side of the car. She wasn’t ashamed of their kiss. But it would be too much to look Jonas in the face or touch him right now.

  Jonas pulled into the Yoder driveway and stopped near the barn. He turned the engine off and leaned toward her. “It’s been a great night, Shirley. I’ll think about us for a long time…about you. We have to see each other again soon.”

  Her voice caught. “I’ll never forget you, Jonas. Never!”

  “Please contact me again if you can. Maybe next week.” His smile was hesitant.

  “Yah, I’d like that, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to.” Before he could get out to open her door, Shirley opened it and jumped out. She wanted to kiss him again, but that might spoil the enchantment of what had happened between them tonight. It was best left as it was. She waved to him before turning toward the house.

  “Good night, Shirley.” His whisper hung in the darkness.

  She slipped away. She was on the front porch before the headlights of his convertible arched across the house as he turned and drove down the lane.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Miriam rushed to fill the tub with water for seven-year-old Elizabeth and five-year-old Cheryl’s bath. Saturday afternoon was almost gone, and there was still the upstairs to sweep. Her little sisters didn’t usually protest their Saturday bath time, and thankfully today was no different. Both little girls were lined up ready to jump in once she finished with the water.

  Miriam gave them a warm smile. “No splashing now. I don’t want to have to wipe the walls down once you’re done.”

  “We won’t!” they chorused as they climbed in together.

  “Clean up!” Miriam ordered. “With soap. Mamm will be in soon to check.”

  They were giggling as she left.

  Yah, Mamm would no doubt find some area that needed more scrubbing, Miriam thought. It surely wouldn’t be long before she took on the oversight of the girls’ baths. But as of now Mamm wished to remain involved with the household duties where she could. The closer her delivery time came, the more she would need to rest.

  A shadow crossed Miriam’s face. Now, if the mess in her life could be cleaned up as easily by Mamm, how wunderbah would that be? But Miriam had more than dirt stuck behind her ears. And so did Shirley, if Miriam was any judge of the matter. That girl had been uncharacteristically quiet since her date with Jonas last night. All day Shirley had worked through her household duties with a dreamy look on her face. Mamm had noticed too, judging by the worried look on her face.

  “Shirley!” Miriam called out. “I need help with the upstairs.”

  “Up here already!” a muffled voice answered from above.

  So Shirley had begun to clean? That was gut. But the thought brought little comfort to Miriam. Shirley probably figured there’d be fewer chances for questions about last night if she wasn’t behind on the chores. Miriam sighed and turned her thoughts to Ivan. He’d acted worse at this week’s youth gathering than he had on Sunday. Ivan had even managed to corner her in the washroom when none of the other girls were around.

  “Hi, Miriam,” he’d said. Ivan had appeared innocent enough, like he’d dropped in by coincidence. But Miriam knew this was no casual meeting. After the looks Ivan had sent her way on Sunday, including all evening outside at the volleyball net, she knew he was up to something.

  “Hi, Ivan,” Miriam had responded. Maybe if she was friendly, he’d go away. Resistance hadn’t seemed to work so far.

  Ivan’s confidence had only seemed to grow. “I’m glad you’re happy to see me, Miriam.”

  Miriam had stifled a sigh. “Ivan, you know I like you well enough. But you have a girlfriend now. Remember?”

  “Oh?”

  She decided he’d feigned surprise, as if the thought had never occurred to him.

  “Who would that be?” he’d asked.

  She hadn’t fallen for his tease. “Look, Ivan, we really shouldn’t be out here alone. Someone might walk through.”

  His response had been to close the door between the washroom and the kitchen, which didn’t help. There was no lock, and a blocked door would arouse suspicion.

  “You seemed to care for me not that long ago—or was I imagining it?” Ivan asked.

  Her face had reddened at the comment.

  Ivan had fairly glowed with triumph. “Just give me a chance, Miriam. You like me. I know you do.”

  Miriam had bitten back a retort. Liking Ivan wasn’t the problem, and he knew it. His obtuseness was contrived. Did Ivan really think she would be won over so easily? The thought insulted her, but Ivan also knew her well. He knew she’d mourned when he’d started to date Laura Swartz. Even now Miriam’s heart beat faster the moment Ivan appeared.

  She’d pushed past Ivan, brushing his hand off her shoulder. He had dared touch her with such boldness! The worst of it was that she’d liked it. How many years had she dreamed of the moment when Ivan would show her such tenderness? But not under these circumstances. Still, life gave what it did. Was she being foolish not to grab the chance to wed Ivan—whatever his reasons? But nee, she couldn’t live her married life with the knowledge that her husband loved a farm more than he loved her. And he didn’t even know about the cash inheritance!

  “Talk to me, Miriam…”

  Ivan’s voice had lingered in her ears as she’d rushed into the kitchen.

  A few of the girls looked up in surprise at her flustered appearance, but thankfully Ivan hadn’t followed her. “People will think what they wish,” Miriam told herself. That they didn’t know Ivan had spoken with her was gut enough for now. But sooner or later someone would put two and two together—probably Laura Swartz. Now, if there was a repeat performance by Ivan tomorrow after church there would be trouble for sure.

  Miriam sighed. Now was not the time to be distracted by Ivan Mast. Shirley was upstairs hard at work. It was time to get upstairs if she didn’t want awkward questions asked of her. Miriam took the steps quickly and found Shirley in Lee and Mark’s bedroom.

  Shirley had the dusting brush in her hand. She looked up when Miriam entered. “You don’t have to rush about. I’ll finish up here, Miriam.”

  Stopping in front of her sister, Miriam felt compelled to ask the question on her mind. “Shirley, what happened between you and Jonas? Tell me the truth about last night.”

  Shirley looked away and didn’t say anything.

  “I want to know,” Miriam persisted.

  Shirley turned her head and regarded her sister with a steady gaze. “You make it sound as if I did something wrong. It was the most wunderbah night of my life!”

  “I was afraid of that.” Miriam sat on the bed and groaned.

  Shirley’s voice took on a dreamy tone. “We walked under the stars, Miriam. I thought I would die from joy. And, oh, Miriam! Then it happened. We kissed! I’ve never kissed a man before and never want to again—unless it’s Jonas, of course. It was perfect!”

  Miriam knew something like this had happened. Her voice caught as she said, “You know this can’t go on. You can’t marry a Mennonite, much less someone who goes to a far different church like Jonas Beachy does. You have to stay Amish!”

  Shirley’s face darkened. “I know that, Miriam. Jonas and I both know we’re from different worlds. Yah, any relationship between us will eventually end, but u
ntil it does I’m going to enjoy Jonas while I can.”

  Miriam stood up and busied herself with the broom. Should she trust Shirley? Giving Shirley a sharp glance, Miriam said, “This sounds like another one of your empty promises to me.”

  Shirley shook her head. “I saw this one written in the stars, Miriam. We were talking out in that open meadow, and Jonas pointed out how far apart the stars were…and yet how close they looked.”

  “I think you’re trying to cover your guilt.” Miriam tried a glare to see if it would rattle Shirley’s obstinacy.

  Shirley didn’t back down. “I know I’m right, even if I can’t fully explain why.”

  Miriam sighed. “Then we’d better pray that we find a solution to our problems.”

  Shirley lifted her eyebrows. “What problem have you got?”

  Miriam swept with greater vigor. “Believe me, I have plenty of my own—with Ivan.”

  “Ivan?” Shirley said. “What about Ivan? I thought he was going with Laura Swartz. Is he coming back to you now?”

  “Trying to,” Miriam said. “But it’s not going to happen.”

  The sisters worked quietly for a few minutes, each lost in her own thoughts. Then Shirley glanced out the window.

  “We have a visitor,” she said with a sly smile.

  Miriam clutched the broom handle. “Surely not Jonas!”

  Shirley laughed. “Nee. He’s driving a buggy, not a Porsche. And besides, Jonas wouldn’t be so bold as to come without my knowing beforehand.” She stared out the window. “I believe it’s Ivan, which would be your concern, not mine.”

  Miriam crept over for a peek past the dark-blue drapes. Yah, it was Ivan. He was sitting in his buggy while deep in conversation with Lee. Had Lee heard him drive in and come out of the barn to meet him? Or had Lee known Ivan was coming? Either way, what business did Ivan have here? Hopefully not her! She glanced at Shirley. Was she putting two and two together? If so, soon her whole family would know Ivan was interested in her, and they too would assume it was because of Mr. Bland’s farm.